Melissa McCoy vs Coca-Cola Rua
The first one to the ring was Coca-Cola Rua, who got a nice ovation from the rowdy, frat-boy sections of the crowd, who started up a chant for him, saying “Co-ca-Co-la” and then yelling “Ruuuuuuuuu-aaaaahhhhhh!” enough times that other sections joined in. Melissa McCoy came to the ring by herself in a robe, her wetsuit-style attire underneath it. She had the referee back Rua up so she could get into the ring without being attacked before the bell like Rua did last time. When the match started, Rua seemed to act like McCoy was a joke, even after she kicked him in the thigh with a roundhouse kick. With one hand, he shoved her backwards, onto the mat. He turned and played up to the crowd, but McCoy rolled backwards, planted her foot, sprinted over and leapt up onto his back, pulled backwards into a lungblower, then had her legs in place on top of his, rolled backwards into a bridging jackknife position and got the surprise 3-count in the opening minute of the match for the victory. Stunned, Rua couldn’t believe it was over that quickly, but most of the fans seemed to love it. McCoy escaped without Rua getting retaliation, looking proud of herself as she walked back to the locker room.
YOUR WINNER BY PINFALL: MELISSA MCCOY (0:49)
Candice 'Dixie' Diamond vs Rick Remington
By the time this match had begun, most of the crowd in the Air Canada Centre had settled into their seats, and were clearly excited for the evening’s matches. Candice Diamond garnered a rousing ovation of boos from the crowd, as most of the fans seemed familiar with her antics shown on Combat TV. The fact that she came out to Sahara’s entrance music certainly didn’t help matters.
The match itself was evenly paced with a lot of back and forth action. The ending came when Diamond went for a top rope hurricanrana, but ‘The Natural’ reversed it, driving Diamond down to the canvas with a top rope sit-out powerbomb. “Dixie” crawled to the ropes, seemingly gesturing to the back in hopes that someone – presumably Sahara – would come out and assist her. Alas, no one came, and one Disaster Kick later, Rick Remington would pin her shoulders to the mat for a three count, securing his spot on the main roster.
YOUR WINNER BY PINFALL: RICK REMINGTON (9:44)
Kharrion vs The Erinyes
DARK MATCH - #1 CONTENDER MATCH
This match was moved from the main card to right before the televised portion due to scheduling conflicts, and what a match it was! These two teams have never failed in the past to provide the brutality, and they brought it once again. The match was marred by interference, as Santa Muerte integrated herself into the match, bringing Kharrion’s Jennifer Dowling into the fray as well. At the end of the day, it would be Kharrion standing tall in their return, after a Seventh Seal from Johan Dietrich onto Minxy Jones. The crowd, red hot for this match, gave the six competitors a standing ovation afterward, as Jennifer Dowling could be heard at ringside vowing that her boys would once again be EWA Tag Team Champions – and that the Erinyes would pay for their tactics.
YOUR WINNER BY PINFALL: KHARRION (13:10)
(A loading bay shutter door rattles, the rollers clearly un-oiled, as it flies upward into the high frame above it. No bus nor truck enters, but one man. His sleeveless hoodie sits over a black T-shirt, his eyes hidden behind sunglasses and his hands wrapped tightly in black bandaging. As he steps forward, his low-cut wrestling boots squeak on the hard concrete floor and the black canvas of his shorts brushes together, but his progress is short-lived…)
Female Worker: Hey, this isn’t the official Talent Entrance Point! Mr-
Sterling: Excuse me?
(He turns to face the short blonde girl who has approached from behind, clipboard in hands and headset flopping about her head.)
Female Worker: Mr…
Sterling: I am Sterling.
Female Worker: Mr Sterling, we were expecting you earlier today for the full talent brief and allocation of backstage resources and-
Female Worker: Dressing Rooms, catering… We’re literally minutes away from Phillip Donovan making his way to the ring and that doesn’t give us mu-
(Sucking in a deep breath, he causes her to pause as he looks up to the high aluminium roof before looking her right in the eye.)
Sterling: I don’t need catering or a dressing room. I’m good to fucking go. The way I see it, and the way you say it, my match is any minute now and that makes me right on time. If you want to keep on about briefs, let’s talk about how we get yours on the bedside cabinet of a cheap motel in about an hour’s time.
Female Worker: Excuse me?
Sterling: You heard me. Point me in the direction of the GP while you think about it.
(Slightly perplexed and embarrassed, her cheeks reddened, she points out to their right. Sterling nods to her and storms off in that direction, as we fade to the opening video for EWA’s Live From Toronto.)
Philip Donovan vs Sterling vs Katsuro Yoshida
EWA NETWORK CHAMPIONSHIP TRIPLE THREAT MATCH
MM: Alright ladies and gentlemen, EWA veterans and newcomers, we are LIVE…FROM TORONTO! We aren’t going to wait to get this action going, either. Our first official broadcasted match is going to be for the Network Championship, but it is also a Path of the Warrior match up as well!
VA: If Katsuro Yoshida retains his title tonight, not only do both Sterling and that vapid, shallow loser called PhD lose out on a chance to be an EWA champion, but they are also BOTH eliminated from the Path of the Warrior tournament!
MM: Last time Philip Donovan and Sterling met in the ring, the match ended in a double count out after both men went flying over the top rope. This caused some scrambling in the back, but it was decided that, since their Path of the Warrior match was also a number one contendership spot, they’d both compete tonight. So, if PhD or Sterling win, they not only become the Network Champion, but they also move on in the Path of the Warrior tournament. However, if Yoshida wins, both men’s hopes of continuing in PotW will be crushed.
VA: Big stakes on the line, and I can’t wait to watch PhD pick up some serious Ls tonight.
NR: Ladies and gentlemen of TORONTO, CANADA…we…are…LIVE!
The crowd pops loudly as the bell rings to indicate the start of the show.
NR: The following contest is a triple threat match that is scheduled for ONE FALL! This match up is also a Path of the Warrior tournament match! If neither challenger wins the match, they are BOTH eliminated from the tournament!
The house lights dim as Carpenter Brut’s “Le Perv” hits.
A graphic wipes across the EWAtron with a VHS tracking visual effect:
At (0:16) on the track, neon green laser beams scatter and strobe across along the entrance ramp, as a singular black light spotlight shines on PhD, arms outstretched welcoming the audience. The most distinct feature of his outfit are his glowing neon pink and baby blue shutter shades. The rest of his ring attire consists of long tights that are deep azure with gold and white piping on the sides (identical to the UCLA color scheme) and a random pair of Nike Air Jordans.
MM: And out comes the very colorful Philip Donovan! Both opponents criticized PhD for being unfocused, and, admittedly, his antics can lead one to believe that he is a bit unfocused, but PhD is a game competitor.
VA: Vapid, self-indulgent man child…
PhD takes a few steps forward out of the dimming spotlight, then stops to survey the crowd. He turns his palms upward making a subtle beckoning gesture before crossing his forearms at his chest and making a two-handed “OC” gesture (an homage to his hometown area) to the cameraman.
NR: Introducing first, weighing in tonight at TWO HUNDRED and TWELVE POUNDS…HAILING FROM NEWPORT BEACH, CA…P…H…D!
Walking down the aisle/ramp, he’ll acknowledge the fans with hand slaps and will occasionally grab a phone from a fan for a selfie op (a telltale sign he feels very confident about an upcoming match). He walks up the ring steps and enters the ring hopping over the top rope with a scissor kick. He walks over to a ring corner and ascends to the top turnbuckle to survey the crowd one last time. After doing the Birdman hand rub, he jumps down onto the apron and runs the ropes three times.
Kill the lasers and up go the standard lights.
“Le Perv” cuts and the Air Canada Centre is still buzzing with the energy from Phillip Donovan’s entrance when the lights dip and icy blue spotlights swirl for a moment, a new edit of Static-X’s “Grind 2 Halt” as the top of the walkway becomes the focal point for several of the spotlights!
GRIND 2 HALT! SLAM IT SHUT!
NEVER STOP! MAKE THE CUT!
MM: Here we go, this is the second man for this triple threat match now!
VA: For a guy who started a bit quiet and, you know, boring… he has come out all guns blazing in the run-up to this match!
MM: That he has! It’s a HUGE match for him, not only a chance to capture the Network Championship but also his potential advancement in the Path of the Warrior Tournament is at stake!
VA: And it’s the same for Phillip Donovan here tonight! Big stakes!
Stepping out into the lights, Sterling bounces on the spot, just lightly from foot to foot as he pulls back the hood of his sleeveless hoody and rips off his sunglasses, throwing them out into the stands before shaking off his hoodie to reveal his t-shirt beneath proudly displaying the EWA Fight Night logo! As he turns his back to the fans and to the cameras, we can see the back of his shirt reads “EVERY FUCKIN’ NIGHT” and a small but vocal section of the fans roar their approval!
MM: Let’s not forget his promise to take over EWA Fight Night after this event! His shirt clearly makes reference to that campaign!
VA: I just like that he’s here to fuckin’ fight! No bullshit, he’s here to try and rearrange faces!
MM: Looks like he already got to you!
VA: You know what…Vincent Ashe Official Prediction, patent pending, is that STERLING is going to win this thing!
GRIND 2 HALT! SLAM IT SHUT!
NEVER STOP! MAKE THE CUT!
Without a hint of haste, Sterling steps forward, shaking out his legs with each step and arcing his neck from side to side, limbering up as his eyes suddenly fix unblinkingly on Donovan. Pausing, he checks the laces on his low-top wrestling boots and pulls unseen creases from his infamous shorts, which display his own version of his win-loss record, and then clenches his fists, testing the tightness of the black wraps which run from his knuckles to halfway up his forearms.
GRIND 2 HALT! SLAM IT SHUT!
NEVER STOP! MAKE THE CUT!
NR: Introducing next, weighing in tonight at TWO HUNDRED and TWENTY FIVE POUNDS…HAILING FROM GREENWICH, LONDON…STERLING!
Continuing his move forward, he shakes his gaze from Donovan and back to the crowd, looking several rows deep to either side of him, running his fingertips through his beard before ripping off his t-shirt, leaving it on the ramp as he BOLTS down and slides under the bottom ring rope, rising fluidly right in the centre and locking his eyes with Donovan! The gaze is met and the two stare down before the referee steps in between them and pushes them apart!
MM: This is it! The two challengers are here and if the match were just these two, it’d be a pretty exciting match to box off their trilogy, but NO! We’re still waiting on one man to fill this out!
VA: The Cool Cat Katsuro Yoshida! EWA Network Champion on his way!
He flicks his arms out, stretching his shoulders and cracking his neck as he reaches the ring, nodding to himself and looking up high into the rafters as he peels away his hoodie and sunglasses, taking a deep breath before leaping up onto the ring apron and leaping again over the top rope to take his place in the ring. Before entering the ring, he locks eyes with PhD. He doesn’t say anything, merely stares the man down. PhD stares right back, not giving an inch to Sterling. Sterling enters the ring, his cold, calculating gaze cutting between PhD and the ramp.
MM: Sterling has an intense amount of focus in everything he does. This is a no frills competitor who is as calm as he is dangerous.
VA: You know what, you are going to get an official Vincent Ashe prediction, patent pending, right here, right now. Sterling walks away Network Champion, and PhD stops breathing.
With the two challengers stirring in the ring, their eyes fixated on the entrance, the lights go out in the arena, with two white spotlights shining down onto the challengers. Red lights shine upwards all around the entrance, illuminating the fog as it rolls in. “Koto” by CloZee begins over the speakers, and as the hip-hop beat starts, a red strobing light starts shining through the entrance.
Out from backstage, the red strobing lights start moving towards the ring, flashing to the beat. As they get closer to the camera nearby, we see that these strobe lights are attached to the entrance attire for Katsuro Yoshida, covering both sides on the outside of his robes. Women walk out from behind him, illuminated by white LED lights adorning their kimonos. They walk to either side of Katsuro Yoshida, and they carefully peel back his robe and lift it up. As it rises, white LED lights underneath it shine directly on Katsuro’s body. When it gets pulled away, white strobe lights start to shine in on him from either side of the entrance walkway, and we see that the Network Championship is affixed around his waist.
VA: How does that fat Asian get so many bitches?
MM: Everything is wrong with what you just said. Just…just absolutely everything.
When he gets to the steps, Katsuro is approached from behind by two more women. They undo the championship belt and each take a side of it, then walk up the steps and enter the ring. They present the championship belt to the referee, then turn and walk to the edge of the ring. Each of them sits on the middle rope, pushing it down enough that Katsuro Yoshida easily ducks in underneath the top rope, his eyes fixed on the referee. The two women bow to him, then exit onto the apron and then disappear.
NR: And now, ladies and gentlemen, weighing in tonight at TWO HUNDRED and SIXTY TWO POUNDS…hailing from MIURA, JAPAN…the current NETWORK CHAMPION…KATSURO…YOSHIDA!!!
Moving to his corner, Katsuro Yoshida bows to the referee, who is holding up the championship belt, and as he straightens back up, the lights in the arena fade back up with it. The fans, mostly in awe of the production value of the entrance, end their silence, some of them clapping for the champion, who pays them no mind.
MM: You know, as calm as Sterling is, Yoshida is the dictionary definition of composure. Despite set backs and a rough start to his EWA career, Yoshida has never let anyone see his frustration. Cool as ice isn’t just a Vanilla Ice film, it’s also a perfect description of Katsuro Yoshida.
VA: Cool As Ice, Malone? Shame. Shame.
Aria Moretti calls for the bell. All three men take defensive poses, their eyes darting back and forth between their two competitors. PhD fakes like he is going to attack, but both men react quickly, causing him to think twice and go back to his original position. Sterling then makes a move, but when both PhD and Katsuro reacts, he also backs off for a second. The three men end up in their same positions, uncertain of how to exactly approach this situation.
VA: Come on! Somebody punch somebody!
Suddenly, Katsuro and Sterling lock eyes. They immediately turn, charge PhD, and both SLAM him with a front kick! The force of the two kicks knocks PhD out of the ring!
Sterling immediately catches Katsuro with a punch, but as Katsuro is stumbling backwards, he throws a leg kick that catches Sterling flush! Sterling counters with a leg kick! Katsuro with a leg kick! Sterling’s leg kick! Katsuro’s leg kick! The two men begin to swing leg kicks wildly! Sterling stumbles, Katsuro goes in for the kill, but Sterling was faking! He catches Katsuro completely off guard with a Superman punch! Katsuro is down! Before Sterling can react, though, PhD comes flying off the ropes and catches Sterling in the back of the head with a springboard wheelkick! PhD pins!
Sterling kicks out! PhD is up quick. He sees Katsuro stirring and slams him with a front dropkick to the face! PhD covers Katsuro!
Katsuro kicks out! PhD hits the ropes fast and hits a flipping senton splash on Sterling! He then pins again!
TW-Sterling is out quick. PhD again hits the ropes and soccer kicks Katsuro in the gut! PhD again pins!
TW-Sterling breaks up the pin by kick PhD in the face!
MM: PhD going for the quick pins, looking to end this as fast as possible, but it looks like Sterling’s got him in his clutches.
VA: Ain’t no way Philip Donovan walks out of this match the champion. Even less likely he walks out at all.
Sterling grabs hold of PhD and pulls him to his feet, locking in a standing guillotine choke! PhD throws punches to Sterling’s gut, but Sterling keeps the choke locked in tight! Aria is there to check for a tap out, but it isn’t to happen as Katsuro is up and he decimates Sterling with a spinning roundhouse kick to the head!
MM: BRUTAL shot there by the Network Champion!
Both PhD and Sterling fall to the mat. Yoshida is quick to cover Sterling!
Sterling kicks out! Yoshida picks Sterling up and throws a knee to his stomach! He locks Sterling into the Fisherman’s Brainbuster, walks back, and drops him onto PhD! Katsuro again pins Sterling!
THRE-Sterling kicks out! Katsuro stays calm, going over to PhD and pinning him!
THRE-PhD kicks out! Katsuro picks PhD up and throws him to the ropes! As PhD comes back, Katsuro SLAMS him with a palm thrust to the heart! PhD hits the ground HARD, clutching his chest. Sterling tries to get back into the action, leaping forward and slamming Katsuro from behind with a forearm strike. Katsuro stumbles and turns, throwing a wild punch that actually connects! Sterling faints a kick and connects with a punch that rocks Katsuro, giving him the change to shoot for the legs and lift Katsuro up high, dropping him with spinebuster! Sterling takes this opportunity to pin!
THRE-PhD uses a double axe handle to break up the pin!
MM: Man this match is filled with pin attempts! This is ultimately why triple threat matches are so difficult, as you can’t focus for too long on a single man!
VA: I mean, you can kinda ignore PhD. He’s awful.
MM: He’s quite literally, at least twice, come in and taken advantage when he’s been ignored…
As Sterling rise to his feet, PhD hits the ropes, cartwheels, and lands with his feet on Sterling’s head. He then swings around, using the momentum to take down Sterling! Sterling is up quick, but he seems dizzy, and PhD is quick to get behind Sterling and drop him with a lungblower! PhD notices that Katsuro is starting to get up, so PhD runs quickly over and catches Katsuro with a Tornado DDT! PhD goes for the pin!
Katsuro kicks out! PhD looks frustrated, but he sees Sterling starting to get up. PhD rushes Sterling, attempting a Shining Wizzer!
But Sterling catches him! Sterling lifts PhD quickly, getting to his feet, and TOSSES PhD across the ring! PhD lands hard! Sterling looks to be on the offensive, but suddenly Katsuro Yoshida is up, and he slams Sterling with a HARD running STO! Yoshida pins!
Sterling gets the arm up just in time. Yoshida, still keeping his cool, is quick to pick up Sterling. He tosses Sterling to the ropes and goes for a clothesline, but Sterling catches the arm and leaps in the air, catching Yoshida with a leaping armbar! The crowd pops for the move as Sterling cranks on the arm, Yoshida grimacing in pain. Katsuro remains standing, but Sterling continues to yank on the arm, bending it awkwardly. Aria Morretti checks to see if Katsuro wants to tap, but Katsuro shakes his head, vehemently saying no! Yoshida tries to lift Sterling, but any attempt to pick him just puts more pressure on his arm. Yoshida looks like he is in incredible pain, and like he might submit, but PhD suddenly appears! PhD hits the ropes, leaps onto, and springboards off, moonsaulting on both Sterling and Katsuro!
MM: Another close call! This match is on a razor’s edge right now! Any time any of these men get an advantage, the momentum suddenly shifts to someone else!
PhD puts the boots to both men. He then focuses on Sterling, lifting him up. Sterling, however, suddenly comes to life and plants PhD with a forearm shot! He then kicks PhD in the stomach, sets him up for the suplex, lifts him up, and…
VA: Greenwich Mean Time! The Vincent Ashe Official Prediction, patent pending, called it!
Sterling is quick to cover!
NO! Yoshida breaks it up. Yoshida begins to pound on Sterling, softening him up, before pushing him away! Now, Yoshida takes advantage and pins PhD!
MM: Will the champion retain!?
NO! Sterling breaks up the count. Both men, on their knees, are brawling. The composure of both men has given way to exhaustion, and they both simply pound on each other. PhD rolls away, still clearly reeling from Sterling’s finisher. As both Yoshida and Sterling pound on one another, they also both begin to stand. Sterling is able to clock Yoshida hard, and he attempts to follow this up with a judo style arm drag, but Yoshida is able to use his size advantage to block. Since Yoshida is now at Sterling’s back, Yoshida pulls him in and locks in around the waist, attempting a German suplex, but Sterling is able to stay grounded. He throws an elbow at Yoshida, forcing Yoshida to release the hold. Sterling throws a couple of leg kicks before shooting on Yoshida, but Yoshida stuffs the double leg. Yoshida grabs hold of Sterling’s waist and attempts to lift him up for either some kind of bomb or driver, but Sterling is able to keep himself grounded. He throws his shoulder into Yoshida’s gut, causing Yoshida to release the hold. Sterling hits the ropes and charges forward, but Yoshida comes alive and SLAMS Sterling with an exploder suplex! Sterling is close to the ring, and this causes him to roll out of the ring and onto the floor! Yoshida turns, looking down at the fallen man…
And PhD takes advantage! PhD leaps onto Yoshida’s shoulders and looks for The Flashback, but Yoshida is able to keep his footing. Yoshida turns around, looking to drop PhD, but PhD is quick thinking. He pulls himself back up onto Yoshida’s shoulders and uses this momentum to instead roll forward and catch Yoshida in a Victory Roll Pin!
VA: No way…
Aria Moretti signals for the bell as PhD releases the pin and rolls out of the ring. His eyes are wide, and so are Yoshida’s!
MM: So…the Vincent Ashe Official Prediction…patent pending…seemed way off, Ashe…
VA: Shut up, Malone. Even perfection isn’t perfect all the time.
MM: That makes no sense.
VA: YOU DON’T MAKE SENSE!
Aria Moretti exits the ring, grabs the Network Championship, and takes it over to PhD, who still looks a little shocked at his victory.
NR: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, and NEW EWA Network Champion, and also advancing in the Path of the Warrior Tournament…P…H…D!
The crowd erupts at this! Joe Lemon and Serpent Man rush from the back to cheer with PhD, who still can’t quite believe what is happening. From the look on his face, neither can Yoshida, who glares at PhD. Sterling is seen outside the ring, and he also looks none to happy. He slams his fists on the floor outside in frustration.
MM: That match was an intense affair. At no point could anyone have guessed the victor on that, and for PhD to pull it off with a last minute roll up was a crazy way for this to end. You know that neither man is going to be satisfied with that ending, so I’m not sure we have seen the last of Katsuro Yoshida or Sterling in regards to Philip Donovan.
VA: I…I can’t believe what just happened. I mean…this is a travesty. Aria Moretti counted too fast! This is why women shouldn’t referee!
MM: And perhaps even a bigger story, Philip Donovan is now the only competitor in EWA history to be a four time, four time, four time, four time EWA Network Champion!
PhD stands with his friends at the top of the ramp. He is still a little in shock, but the reality of the situation has begun to sink in. He holds the Network Championship high in the air for the world to see, before clutching it closely and hugging it tightly. Serpent Man and Joe Lemon pat him on the back and congratulate him as the crowd continues to cheer.
YOUR WINNER, NEW EWA NETWORK CHAMPION, AND MOVING ON IN THE PATH OF THE WARRIOR TOURNAMENT: PHILIP DONOVAN (17:03)
(The camera cuts backstage to the community locker room that is shared by many of the staff and some of the lesser known superstars in the EWA. We see some of the referees mulling around, getting a cup of coffee or a bottle of water in between matches. We also see some of the talent from the EWA performance center that aren’t necessarily wrestling on the show, but were granted the opportunity to come backstage and be a part of the experience. Amongst all of that, we see Terry Bull, bald dome gleaming under the bright lights, bouncing around amongst all of the conversations happening, looking for the next big scoop he can profess on his EWA Hotline.)
(Suddenly, like a bee towards the sweet smell of sugar, Terry pops his head up and immediately sprints towards the back of the locker room… well, sprinting as only Terry Bull can do at his ripe old age. But as he clears all of the mini-conversations happening, he finds his pollen source, because attempting to sneak in through the back of the locker room is one of the men competing in the main event this evening, “Perfection” Martin Robertson. Still dressed in the suit he wore into the arena, he walks along the back wall of the locker room, attempting his best to not be noticed. But the bloodhound is on a trail…)
Terry Bull: Martin Robertson!
(Martin immediately puts his finger up to his lips…)
Martin Robertson: Terry! Shhh… It’s good to see your not dead after 5 minutes on a treadmill a few days ago.
Terry Bull: What are you doing in here?
Martin Robertson: I’m playing hide and seek with Indrid Calder… what does it look like I’m doing? I’m trying to go to the bathroom!
Terry Bull: Why don’t you just use the bathroom in your own private locker room?
Martin Robertson: My locker room is the paint storage facility. Cameron and Stacy still to this day that they’re not the ones behind all of this, but I believe them just about as much as I believe you got your journalism degree at Syracuse along side Bob Costas.
Terry Bull: Syracuse has the best communications program in the nation, I’ll have you know!
Martin Robertson: I know, which is why I don’t believe you went there!
Terry Bull: Hey now!
Martin Robertson: So move, Bull, get out the way…
Terry Bull: Not until you give me a scoop for my Hotline!
Martin Robertson: Why should I help you and your stupid Hotline that you rip people off with?
(Terry leans in towards Martin…)
Terry Bull: The Hotline… it’s not doing so good.
Martin Robertson: Shocker.
Terry Bull: The kids these days, they don’t know a good deal for great information anymore. They just get their information on the interwebs…
Martin Robertson: It is a lot cheaper than paying $5.99 a minute to listen to you spout off about the hot tip you got in the mens room a few weeks ago… and then have to listen to whatever wrestling stories you have as well.
Terry Bull: I’m starting to think you don’t like me very much.
Martin Robertson: What gave that away?
(Martin looks at Terry, sighs and rolls his eyes)
Martin Robertson: Ask me a question… ONE…. question.
(The glimmer in Terry’s eyes could outshine a thousand suns. He’s like a recharged Energizer bunny…)
Terry Bull: I’ll make it simple. We saw Alyssa return last Battlelines to help you out. Is she here tonight as well?
Martin Robertson: Tonight is a night unlike any other, Terry. Four kingdoms going to war, battling it out over the most prestigious prize in our industry. This battle is not going to be for the faint of heart, you know. The tension, the magnitude of the battle… This is going to be a war, Terry. A bloodbath, with four combatants that will do whatever it takes to claim either the Combat or the World Heavyweight Championship. Now Alyssa, she’s been through a lot these past few months. The injunction, the parlor trick by Alex last Battlelines… it’s all weighing heavy on her mind, and what right do I have to try and burden her more with everything that’s gone on here.
Terry Bull: So you’re saying she’s not here?
Martin Robertson: One, that’s two questions, so I don’t have to answer that one. But since you didn’t let me finish, all I’ll say is this…
(Terry leans in again, intently trying to capture every word of Martin’s)
Martin Robertson: Do you think a Queen would miss the return to glory of a King?
(Martin raises an eyebrow towards Terry, before smirking, then darting off for the bathroom. Terry, still standing there, trying to comprehend Martin’s last statement, thinks for a second before the proverbial light bulb goes off in his head. He whips out his micro tape recorder…)
Terry Bull: Ladies and gentlemen, have I got a scoop for you backstage here tonight at Live from Toronto concerning the main event…
(Fuming mad, Coca-Cola Rua stomps his way through the backstage area. He’s still in his wrestling attire, having not yet changed after his dark match earlier in the show. The anger is causing his breathing to be erratic, his nostrils flaring, he’s breathing heavy.)
Coca-Cola Rua: WHERE IS SHE?!
(As he passes various members of the production crew backstage, he looks them in the eye, knowing they heard what he had yelled. Most of them try to avoid eye contact with the hulking brute, the others just cower away when he gets close.)
Coca-Cola Rua: WHERE IS MELISSA McCOY?! WHERE’S HER LOCKERROOM!!
(Frustrated, he slams his hand down on a production crate as he passes it, and the wooden top of it buckles a bit, cracking, leaving a dent. He doesn’t care, he just keeps moving.)
Coca-Cola Rua: ONE OF YOU KNOWS THE ANSWER!!
(As he spots a man holding a clipboard, Rua walks up to him and stops. Still breathing heavy, Rua just keeps eyes locked on the man’s eyes, then points to the paper.)
Coca-Cola Rua: MELISSA. McCOY.
(Frightened, the man relents to his intimidation and looks down, finds her name and locker room assignment, then turns it towards Rua and points at the page, then down the hall. Trembling, he’s too afraid to talk. Rua gets a smirk on his face and then a slight nod before walking in that direction.)
Coca-Cola Rua: McCOY!! YOU THINK THAT WAS FUNNY, McCOY?! WELL LET’S TEST YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR…
(Having finally found the locker room door, Rua pounds on it with his forearm, and he walks in. The cameraman, having not kept up, is about 20 feet away at this point, and by the time it gets there, the door opens back up again and out stumbles Rua, backing away. A moment later, a man in a pink and white luchador mask comes out, a steel chair in hand. Many of the fans watching live recognize him right away and react with a cheer, whereas many of the others remember him once they get a good look at the signature “HEART ATTACK KID” tshirt he’s wearing. Right behind him is Melissa McCoy.)
Melissa McCoy: Uh, Rua, did you want something?! Because when you barged into my locker room, it sorta seemed like you wanted something…
(She smirks as she keeps pace with Heart Attack Kid, away from whom Coca-Cola Rua is backpeddling, his hands up in a pleading manner. Anger isn’t the look on his face during the retreat.)
Melissa McCoy: I guess not, huh? Well, then, Rua, let me take a moment to introduce you to someone you might not know… This is the guy who the World Wide Bushido Buntai enlisted to help supplement my training at the Developmental Center… around these parts, he’s known as the Heart Attack Kid.
(The developmental center trainee and her personal trainer stop walking, and Rua continues his retreat, unsure how to respond, but fully aware that he doesn’t want to continue things today. Through his mask, a smirk is visible on HAK’s face, matching the one on McCoy’s, as we fade back to ringside.)
The Lemonheads vs William West & ???
DING DING DING
NR: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall!
“Lemonade” hits the speakers, and the lovable and popular tandem of Joe Lemon and Serpent Man have made their entrance here in Toronto.
NR: Introducing first, the team of Serpent Man and Joe Lemon……The Lemonheads!
MM: And the Lemonheads have come to Canada!
VA: And nobody cares!
MM: Lots of people care! This is a much bigger ovation than you got when you came out here.
VA: That’s crap and you know it!
Serpent Man and Joe Lemon greet the fans on their way to the ring, the latter handing out Minite Maid juice boxes to fans at ringside. Nothin’ like fresh squeezed!
MM: The Lemonheads are looking for a bit more success than their last outing.
VA: And the five hundred thousand outings before that. C’mon, nobody really cares about the Lemonheads. Let’s bring out The Masochist already to tear these guys apart!
MM: You’re completely disrespectful! I’ll have you know that Joe Lemon merch is a top ten seller in the southern states!
VA: How’d they do here in Canada?
MM: Joe couldn’t bring the merch because customs. Hey look, they’re in the ring!
The music shuts off as the Lemonheads prepare for battle.
A chant can be heard starting in the back of the crowd.
Slowly, but surely, it picks up steam.
It grows louder and louder.
MM: It seems like the Toronto crowd is eager to see the return of the former Masochist of HATE!
VA: I can’t believe I’d ever agree with a Canadian about anything, but mainly, I’d like to see him turn Joe Lemon into a glass of fresh squeezed.
I GOT NOTHIN’ LEFT AND THAT MAKES ME DANGEROUS
The crowd at large roars, and the lights flicker and die. Shaman’s Harvest’s “Dangerous” kicks on, as a spotlight forms at the top of the entrance ramp.
Got no more hate
And that makes me dangerous
No pride or shame
And that makes me dangerous
William West slowly walks through the curtain, and stands smack dab in the center of the spotlight, staring out into the crowd, grin plastered on his deformed jawline.
Can’t get knocked down
And that makes me dangerous
My time is now
And that makes me dangerous
The lights flood back on, and West explodes, rubbing to the right side of the stage, getting the Canadians on that side of the audience to grow louder in their cheers.
I’m a grenade without reason
Ready to explode
I’m like a freight locomotive
Steamin’ out of control
Now to the left, as West is genuinely glad to be back in the EWA, and wants the crowd to make as much noise as possible.
I’ll make you a martyr
Boy, step in line
I’m a glutton for punishment
Yeah, it makes me feel alive
It makes me feel alive
NR: And their opponents! First, from Las Vegas, Nevada…..making his return to the EWA! The Masochist…..William Wesssssssssssst!
MM: I’ll be honest, this is a much louder ovation than I’d expect for a former Pillar of HATE!
VA: It’s Canada, Malone! One thing these people do, it’s that they love a bad man!
The Masochist looks to make his way down to the ring, but he stops himself.
MM: Wait a minute….Did Nikki say…opponents?
VA: Stacy Vandervort said West could bring a friend to this party. Maybe he found one?
The static throb of Taylor Swift’s “… Ready For It?” seeps through the arena. Purple lights throb in the arena along with the beat of the song as Gia Van Zant, formerly of the EWA Developmental Center, steps out behind West. A teen-heavy segment of the crowd let out a shriek of joy at the popular YouTube Vlogger interrupting their wrestling show.
VA: No offense, but is this legitimate? Gia Van Zant, HappiestSadist from YouTube, is in an EWA Arena as a competitor? Is PewDiePie gonna come out and cheer her on? With all those makeup tutorial women?
MM: Oh come on, give her a chance. It’s not like we’ve got JennaMarbles out here wrestling matches. Gia started as a wrestler apparently, that’s a little different than some gag celebrity appearance.
If there was any uncertainty in Gia’s stride when she first stepped out, it’s gone with the crowd reception. She practically beams at West, and they start down the ramp.
Are you ready for it?
Baby, let the games begin!
Let the games begin!
Let the games begin!
Gia whispers something in West’s ear and he snickers.
VA: She was a rookie, oh come on! She might as well have been a backyard wrestler for all that experience should count for.
MM: She apparently was more than impressive on Fight Night. Go check it out sometime.
Gia passes the camera and gives it her trademark wink, sliding in the ring ahead of West and rolling to her feet.
West’s grin widens, and he slides into the ring. He’s having a hard time keeping his eyes off his own partner, but he manages to run at Joe Lemon, making the veteran journeyman flinch in his corner, and stopping short before any contact can be made.
MM: It’s The Happiest Sadist teaming with The Masochist. Someone is going to get hurt tonight, folks.
VA: Lemon will. Joe Lemon is going to get hurt, Malone. We all know where you were going, just say it.
MM: And the bell has rung, and it looks like we’re going to get Gia Van Zant starting out with the King of Citrus Style, Joe Lemon.
VA: Knock it off, Malone! The dude doesn’t need any more nicknames!
Gia and Joe circle each other, and then lunge for a collar and elbow tie up, but instead, Gia jabs her thumb in Lemon’s eye!
MM: And Van Zant kicks thing off with a cheap shot to the eye! What’s the point in that?
VA: It’s fun, Malone. Let me show you. Let’s see those baby blues.
MM: Get off my face!
Lemon is struggling to regain his vision, but he has bigger problems at hand. Mainly the woman in the ring, who has just started striking. Lefts and rights, all find their home in his soft tissue. A backhand chop echoes across his chest and the sound reverberated across the entire arena! A well placed elbow into the mouth of Lemon drops him on the canvas! A quick cover!
Lemon barely rolls out of it! But the moment he gets to his feet, Gia sweeps his legs out from underneath him! Before Lemon can get back up, Van Zant locks Lemon’s arm up with a cross arm breaker!
VA: I guess HappiestSadist can really wrestle!
MM: I told you!
VA: I really want to punch you, Malone.
Lemon struggles to free himself from Gia’s grasp, but she rapidly lifts her leg up, smashing it down into the jaw of The Most Refreshing Man Alive.
MM: Just vicious shots from Gia Van Zant! I guess it’s no coincidence that her last opponent at the Developmental Center left the ring with a broken collar bone!
VA: I like the sound of that. Let’s hope she does that!
Gia spins on her back and keeps hold of Lemon’s arm, but stretches out to make the tag. West obliges, and the crowd pops as The Masochist steps between the ropes and drives his knee into the shoulder of Joe Lemon.
MM: This is the first time that the King of Pain has stepped into the ring since suffering a debilitating concussion at the hands of Michael Draven! He hasn’t lost a beat!
VA: He did a knee drop. Let him do something tilt a whirl and I’ll give him the same verbal handy you’re giving him now.
West picks Lemon up and Irish whips him into the ropes. Lemon rebounds and West spins him in the air with a tilt a whirl shoulder breaker!
MM: You called that one, Vince! Maybe you’re a little bit psychic tonight!
VA: The Great Ashe-Tini predicts that you’re going to have issues with your headset, Malone!
MM: What are you talking about? My headset is–
There’s a thunk, as Ashe slaps the headset off of Malone’s head and it falls onto the announce table.
Meanwhile, in the ring, West has Lemon by the arm and just jerks him forward, connecting shoulder to shoulder, doing more damage to the joint of Joe Lemon. West now drives his foot into Joe’s hip, causing his leg to buckle, and West quickly transitions into a top hammerlock!
West looks toward Gia and flicks his head at the referee. She nods, and then goes to step between the ropes. Danny Smith sees her, and immediately goes to halt her progress. West releases the hold on Lemon, and moves to the front of him, stomping him right in the lemons!
MM: A blatant low blow! Honestly, what’s the point in that? Joe Lemon has won one match in two years!
VA: I think he’s….trying to impress Van Zant with how much he can hurt Joe Lemon!
MM: But it looks like his partner has had enough!
Serpent Man comes into the ring and charges West, dropping the surprises Masochist with a big clothesline! Everyone is stunned, but Serpent Man quickly goes back to his corner to cheer his partner into making a tag!
MM: West caught off guard gets dropped by….. Serpent Man?! And now it’s crunch time! Lemon needs to make the tag! West needs to overcome his state of shock and recover, or tag out himself!
Both men begin crawling to their respective corners. Lemon makes it to his and Serpent Man is now legal! West stands, looking to tag out.
MM: The Masochist looks to tag, but here comes the Prince of Hiss Hiss!
VA: WILL YOU STOP WITH THE TERRIBLE NICKNAMES?!
West turns and catches Serpent Man with a hard right hand, as the latter attempted to axehandle the former Combat Champion. West grabs Serpent Man by the head and VICIOUSLY jams his forearm into the face of Serpent Man! West drags his opponent into his corner, holding him up in front of Gia.
West: *in an Australian accent* This right here is the American Man Serpent! He’s big and ugly and crikey, he’s about to have a severe pain in his neck!
Gia nearly chokes in laughter as West takes Serpent Man around the waist and flings him backward with a release German Suplex!
MM: You might be right! I think West IS trying to impress his tag team partner!
VA: Told you, Malone!
West elaborately reaches his hand out and allows Gia to tag back into the ring. On the other side of things, Serpent Man has crawled to his corner and Joe Lemon is once again the legal man. Unfortunately for him, he’s the legal man and he just ate a superkick from Gia Van Zant!
MM: A stiff kick finds it’s mark on the jaw of Lemon, and now West tags back into the match!
VA: Good continuity there. Quick tags help keep both members of the team fresh and dangerous.
West waits for Lemon to get up, while bracing himself in the corner. Gia playfully covers her eyes, very obviously peeking through her fingers.
Lemon stands and turns around, before being disemboweled with a rib shattering spear from William West!
MM: The Blood Drive connects! This one has got to be over!
West walks on his knees to his corner and tags Gia back into the match.
Both of them stalk Joe Lemon. West picks up the Lemonator and lifts him up with a full Nelson, almost like a reverse powerbomb, but he holds Lemon in place, in the air.
Gia runs the ropes, rebounding back and leaping up, catching the side of Joe Lemon’s skull with a bicycle kick! West releases Lemon as he gets peppered by Van Zant, letting gravity do the rest as Lemon crashes, unconscious, to the canvas!
Van Zant takes her sweet time, covering Joe Lemon and hooking the leg!
DING DING DING!
NR: Here are your winners, the team of William West and Gia Van Zant!
Gia runs up to West and leaps into his arms, him catching her as they celebrate their victory. She plants a kiss right in the lump in his jaw, and he nearly blushes.
VA: To nobody’s surprise, Lemon winds up flat on his back!
MM: West is victorious in his return, and Van Zant looked mighty impressive in her debut tonight! What I’m wondering is, what exactly is the relationship between these two?
VA: They look pretty cozy to me. Just let them do them, and you do you.
The duo begins their way up the entrance ramp, Gia piggy back riding The Masochist, fist raised in the air in victory, and West just can’t stop grinning.
YOUR WINNERS BY PINFALL: WILLIAM WEST & GIA VAN ZANT (5:49)
MM: Up next…wait, what’s that?
VA: Are you talking to your imaginary friends again, Malone?
MM: No, I…what? Fans, I’m getting word that there’s some commotion in the back, and…
VA: Why don’t they ever tell ME these things?!
MM: Is there…okay, there’s a camera back there…
(To the back we go, where the Kharrion trio are busy treating catering like Motley Crue treated hotel rooms. Dietrich flips over a table, spilling the trays of chicken parm and Italian meatballs all over the cold linoleum floor.)
Terry Bull: Guys, guys! What’s going on here?!
(Dietrich turns to Terry and points his screwdriver at him, the very look on his face taking Terry’s breath away.)
Johan Dietrich: What? Ya got somethin’ ta say, brothah? Ya gonna gimme some fuckin’ lectsha ‘bout this shit?
Terry Bull: Uh, no, no sir, Mr. Dietrich, but I was wondering…
Johan Dietrich: NAH, BRAH…NAH. Ya ain’t gotta wondah ‘bout nothin’, ‘cause it’s pretty fuckin’ obvious we’ah pissed the fuck off.
(KC waltzes up behind Terry, a red Solo cup in hand, and throws his arm around the interviewer’s waist. Dietrich rolls his eyes and swats a coffee keg to the floor, stomping on it as he screams.)
Johan Dietrich: …MOTHAFUCKAH…
KC Rockefeller: Terrance, are you aware of “projection,” in a psychological sense?
Terry Bull: Sure, but…
KC Rockefeller: Yes, I know, your little mind can barely comprehend the notion that one who would be angry at another would find methods to vent their rage involving wanton destruction and casual anarchy, but I assure you, it is quite therapeutic. Now, as for the reasoning behind it…
(Jennifer Dowling swoops in, wrapping her arm around Terry’s shoulder from the other side as KC releases his grasp, sipping from his Solo cup as he casually kicks a pile of paper plates aside.)
Jennifer Dowling: Terry, what KC is trying to tell you in his word salad is that my boys are a little…well, let’s just say they’re aggravated at the moment. This was supposed to be a 2-on-2 affair, right? Kharrion and the Erinyes?
Terry Bull: True, but there’s three members of the Erinyes, and…!
Jennifer Dowling: Exactly!
(Her voice carries the same level of warm condescension as a preschool teacher instructing a toddler, with her smile selling the idea even more.)
Jennifer Dowling: Now, understandably, tempers flared, and why wouldn’t they? We spent the better part of a whole year making Janey’s life a living hell, taking her hair and her pride, and the brief taste of chaos that happened earlier is a fitting result of that.
Terry Bull: So why this?
Jennifer Dowling: Well, sometimes, my boys just need to…
(Jennifer looks over her shoulder as Dietrich grabs a can of Keystone Light from their personal cooler, stabbing it with his screwdriver and shotgunning the whole thing down.)
Jennifer Dowling: …get things out of their system in a slightly less violent and lethal manner. I mean, we agreed to a 2-on-2 match, they had three, and who enjoys fighting unfair odds?
Terry Bull: But the caterers, this is their personal equipment, and…!
Jennifer Dowling: Terry, stick to the program, okay? This isn’t about the caterers, or the coffee pots, or even the vending machine in the corner over there.
(The camera briefly pans over to find a Coca-Cola machine crushed and ripped apart, looking more like it were hit full-force by an armored car than the work of any man.)
Jennifer Dowling: This is about sending a message.
Terry Bull: What message could you possibly be sending with this?
Jennifer Dowling: The most integral kind of message that this sport can offer, Terry! A CHALLENGE!
(She laughs at Terry’s raised eyebrow and releases him from her grasp, casually sliding off her suit jacket to reveal bare arms of pure muscle. She unbuttons her waistcoat and untucks her shirt, grabbing the microphone from Terry’s hands.)
Jennifer Dowling: You wanted to try the numbers game, ladies? That’s fine by us, because I’ve spent the last year with my boys, getting all of our hands dirty, and the stupid thing about it? I’ve started to love it. Here’s the deal: the three of you, the three of us, wherever and whenever. Your fucking move.
(Jennifer drops the microphone and Terry scrambles to catch it, narrowly doing so. Dowling joins her boys in their immature chaos, grabbing cans of soda from the broken machine and throwing them against the wall.)
Terry Bull: Uh…back to you, Mike…?
MM: Ladies and gentlemen, right now we want to take you to a pre-recorded interview from earlier today with one half of the EWA Tag Team Champions, Sahara. I want to give a disclaimer before airing this – EWA management had debates extending into the start of this show as to whether or not we would air this footage tonight. Some truly heinous comments are made. After much deliberation, we’ve decided to air this interview as recorded, in its entirety, with this disclaimer – the views of Lauren MacKay, also known as Sahara, are absolutely not shared, nor supported, by EWA Entertainment.
(Malone stops, looking at Vincent Ashe, who stares uncomfortably ahead, hands folded on his desk. After a moment, he looks at Malone, a surprised expression crossing over his face.)
VA: What? You think I’m going to defend what she said? I’m not even that big of a monster, Malone.
MM: Let’s take you to the footage.
(Situating herself in a very similar setting to the one that aired on Battlelines with Terry Bull, the Crimson Queen sits across from Allison Haines in a canvas backed directors chair, adjusting the placement of the EWA World Tag-Team Title across her lap. Their hair is done up professionally, giving the exact appearance expected of the EWA.)
Allison Haines: Ladies and Gentlemen, I have an exclusive interview with the woman known as the Crimson Queen, and also the reigning EWA World Tag-Team Champion and member of HATE, Sahara.
(Looking over at her guest with a nod, Allison continues.)
Allison Haines: Sahara, I want to thank you for being my guest this morning, as you know this interview will air at Live from Toronto later this evening, and could be considered a bit of a followup to the interview Terry Bull conducted and aired on the previous Battlelines–
Sahara: More than happy to be here, Allison. I just hope your questions are bit more professional than his were.
(Shows like Live from Toronto were always packed with interviews and events such as this. And all of this was fine as far as Sahara was concerned. Anything that got her out on the road was a welcomed event in her life these days, and an opportunity such as this wasn’t going to get passed up. The atmosphere was also much more relaxed with Allison present, versus that of Terry Bull.)
Allison Haines: So, you’ve got a lot going on in the EWA. Aside from upcoming title defenses, I’m sure, you’re an active and very outspoken member of the faction HATE, you’ve got the gauntlet that Nikki Caldwell somehow survived, leading to your big match at Live from Toronto later tonight. While there is so much to talk about, do you have any thoughts on what Nikki Caldwell has accomplished in the weeks or months leading to this monumental event?
(Contemplating the question for a second, Sahara half shrugs.)
Sahara: No. Not really.
(Allison Haines raises an eyebrow.)
Allison Haines: Nothing at all?
Sahara: What do I say here, Allison? If I speak my mind, people will just dismiss it that I–that Sahara doesn’t like Nikki Caldwell and won’t give her any credit for what she’s accomplished, right? Nikki’s come a long way, she’s been around for quite a while, I just — that’s the problem, Allison.
Allison Haines: Hmm?
Sahara: She’s been around a while. A long damn time, to be honest. And what’s she done before I made her relevant? Some half-assed tag-title reign she didn’t earn? Look, I don’t wanna take anything away from Nikki. What happened between us is a side note in the grand scheme of things. The girl’s as fierce as they come. She did the near impossible and toppled the Titan of HATE with near perfect strategy using that sleeper hold, and she survived the gauntlet because of it. I mean, that happened. It is what it is. But she’s been here how long?
(Looking down at the EWA Tag-Team Title for a moment, Sahara slowly spreads her hands across it’s gleaming surface.)
Sahara: This is what matters, Allison. Being a champion. Nikki Caldwell is that person, you name a sport, and that person exists. She’s the rookie phenom. She’s got all the tools and natural athleticism. She shows these flashes of greatness, and then your team drafts this player and you get all excited for the future … I mean, they’re just so damn good you can’t wait to see what they can do. Not to mention she’s got time on her side.
(Sahara taps her chest, the placement of the mic echoing with every tap.)
Sahara: But she’s got nothin’ in here. She’s got no damn heart. She doesn’t care, and that’s the saddest part about it. So like all those players that “can’t miss” in baseball, basketball, football or even wrestling, she’ll show those flashes of greatness, people will get excited, and then she’ll fade away because she ain’t got the staying power. What makes me great isn’t that I got all the natural talent in the world. I ain’t got age on my side, either. But I got spirit, and there is no gene for spirit. You can’t learn it and you can’t earn it. Love me or hate me, but those fans know that everytime I go out there I’m gonna give it every damn thing I got, and whether I succeed or fail, they know I ain’t gonna be done until they stretcher my blonde ass out of the arena for the final time. And that’s the difference between Nikki Caldwell and myself. And that’s why I’m a two time Combat Champion, a former World Champion, and one-half of the reigning Tag-Team Champions.
(Sahara shifts a bit in her chair, pushing her hair back over an ear before she slaps the faceplate of the EWA Tag-Team title.)
Sahara: This match between us tonight shoulda’ been big time, Allison … but let’s call it what it’s become, a bathroom break.
Sahara: That’s it, Allison. That’s the truth. Nikki Caldwell is just another high draft pick bustout, and when you all look back at this in five or ten years when they’re inducting ME into the EWA hall of fame, yer not gonna remember Nikki Caldwell no matter what happens tonight. Yer gonna remember Sahara.
(Allison Haines looks at Sahara with a bit of a smile.)
Allison Haines: Poignant words from the EWA Tag-Team Champion! Already inducting yourself into the Hall of Fame, are ya?
Sahara: Over time, some of us crawl, some of us walk, or even run. Hell, some of us even learn to fly. I didn’t have the time to do any of those other things, so from the get go, I strapped a rocket to my back and I’m soarin’, Allison. Straight to the fuckin’ stars. And I promise ya this, I ain’t done yet.
Allison Haines: Wow, okay. So, this next question is a bit personal, and I want to tread carefully as to not have a repeat of what ended the Terry Bull interview, but your tumultuous relationship with Michael Draven and Maggie McIntyre has been well documented in the EWA, yet questions abound. You were once considered the power trio of wrestling, and somewhere along the lines everything went wrong. Oh, and speaking of Michael and Maggie–
(There’s a sudden genuine sadness in Allison’s voice as she looks into the camera.)
Allison Haines: I, along with the entire EWA want to offer our sincerest condolences over the recent complications with Maggie’s pregnancy, as a rare special procedure was completed to save one of the twins–
(Sahara stifles a bit of a snort like laugh, prompting Allison to furrow her brow as her voice trails off–)
Allison Haines: I’m–I’m sorry, is this somehow funny?
(Sahara shrugs, stifling an obvious smile.)
Sahara: Thoughts and prayers, Allison. Thoughts and prayers. Hey, look on the bright side, it spares the world of one more Draven spawn–
(Allison’s mouth drops open in disgust, as she looks at Sahara in utter disbelief.)
Allison Haines: I–
(Taking a moment to gather herself amidst a rarely seen mixture of anger and disgust from the EWA’s resident field reporter, Allison swallows hard and clears her throat.)
Allison Haines: I’m going to give you the opportunity to take that back and apologize right now, Lauren! I mean, you can’t honestly feel that way, it’s–
Sahara: It’s what? I should feel bad for them for losing a kid they didn’t even have yet?! Fuck Michael and Maggie, it couldn’t have happened to a more deserving couple of losers. And if either of them got anything to say about it, they can step outta the shadows and do exactly that. They know where to find me, I’m hidin’ right in plain sight. And not that they got the guts, but if they do decide to step up, I’ll just send ‘em both packin’ again.
(Allison shakes her head and looks away for a brief moment, trying her best to keep her composure in the face of Sahara’s scathing remarks.)
Allison Haines: I–
(Pausing, Allison simply stands up and begins uncoupling the mic from the lapel while untangling the wire that connects it.)
Allison Haines: I’m done. This–I’m done. I can’t do this. I’m sorry…I just can’t even–
(Sahara rolls her eyes in response.)
Sahara: Oh, c’mon, gimma a break, Allison, are you really gonna full snowflake on me over this?!
(Allison’s voice, while quieter, is tinged with a mixture of anger and disappointment, but still picked up on the surrounding mics.)
Allison Haines: Lauren, despite everything we see on camera, I’ve always liked you. So do yourself a favor, when you go home, watch this interview. I’m not talking about the Nikki stuff, that is what it is. I’m talking about the person you’ve become with comments such as the ones you made about Michael and Maggie. I’ve–I’ve never in my life had the displeasure of sitting down with someone so vile. And I mean that. I really do. I used to think this was all some sort of act with you, but it’s obviously not. If-if I was anyone else I’d slap your face so hard right now it’s not even–
(Finally yanking the wires free, Allison throws them into the chair she was sitting in and storms off the set. At first, Sahara simply watches her storm off before she looks toward the camera and makes a bit of a face. Shrugging it off, she gets up off her seat, and laughs…)
Sahara: Well, I guess the interview is over…hashtag sorry not sorry.
(Fade to ringside.)
(For the second time tonight, we see the familiar face – or, mask – of The Heart Attack Kid walking through the halls of the arena. The fans watching it transpire on the big screens cheer loudly enough that it echoes through the back halls of the arena. He doesn’t appear to be looking for anyone, rather he seems to be walking somewhere specific. When backstage interviewer Terry Bull spots him, he perks up and gets in the way of the masked man, microphone in hand.)
Terry Bull: Heart Attack Kid, I don’t believe my eyes! Back in the EWA, and I can assure you, the fans aren’t the only ones who are going to be pleased!
(After nodding and extending his hand, which Terry shakes, HAK responds.)
Heart Attack Kid: Thanks, Terry, it’s great to be walking the halls at a big EWA event again, especially in a great wrestling town like TORONTO, ONTARIO, CANADA…
(Knowing he would get the cheap pop which echoes through the halls as they hear HAK praise their city, The Kid pauses momentarily and lets the fans react.)
Heart Attack Kid: …but I wouldn’t exactly say I’m back.
Terry Bull: I might be getting a little older, but I’m not delusional. You’re standing here in front of me, you seem to be in good shape, is it basically a formality? What’s going on here, HAK? The fans deserve to know!
Heart Attack Kid: Look, the EWA has some great competitors, and some great people working in the back… You. Haines… And if I had the time to devote to it, I’d absolutely make some calls and get myself a contract and be back here mixing it up with the likes of Buck Dresden, Jester Smiles, Martin Robertson, Katsuro Yoshida, Indrid Calder, Sahara… maybe even NOTHING. But I have so many other priorities in my life right now, that I can’t just devote all my efforts to preparing for matches week-in and week-out with them or any of the other talents on the EWA roster.
(Processing the information, Terry Bull comes up with a follow-up question.)
Terry Bull: So then, that begs the question: what are you doing in EWA, here, backstage? We saw you earlier in the night coming out of the locker room of Melissa McCoy…
Heart Attack Kid: Before anyone goes and besmirches my good name, you ALSO heard Ms. McCoy mention that I’m one of the people helping to train her to become the world-class competitor that she’s quite capable of becoming.
Terry Bull: So the World Wide Bushido Buntai called you up, out of the blue, and asked you to train this young woman?
Heart Attack Kid: Actually, it wasn’t just “out of the blue”, Terry. I’ve known Katsuro Yoshida and some of the others for years, now, and I even competed under the World Wide Bushido Buntai banner on numerous occasions, both before AND after my stint in EWA. So what Osamu and Katsuro did, they were calling me specifically because they were familiar with me, my training methods, and because of my familiarity with them AND the opponents at hand.
(Terry starts to look a bit confused.)
Terry Bull: So you’ve crossed paths with Coca-Cola Rua before?
Heart Attack Kid: Oh I’m familiar with Soda Popinski alright, but it’s my familiarity with Philip Donovan and Martin Robertson that probably helped the decision to seek out my services. You know… tonight’s Network Championship Match, and the upcoming Path Of The Warrior tournament match Katsuro has with my one-time nemesis, Marty Rob.
Terry Bull: I hate to bring it up, but the Network Championship Match didn’t exactly go your way tonight, did it?
Heart Attack Kid: Look, it was a triple threat match, and those are always tricky. But, Terry, you should know from all the times you talked with Oppy after a show, the World Wide Bushido Buntai doesn’t typically talk about a match in the first few hours after it has transpired, win OR lose. So… yeah, sorry. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to watch the main event in the World Wide suite… And if you see Allison Haines, tell her I said hello, will ya?
Terry Bull: Kid, I think she might rather hear from you herself!
(Giving it some thought, HAK nods in agreement and then turns and walks off, leaving Terry standing there, a job well done.)
(We cut back to the backstage area, where we see EWA Combat Champion BUCK DRESDEN leaning against a wall. Buck is wearing a grey BUCK SHOT baseball cap and a black and grey baseball tee with grey crosshairs emblazoned across the chest with a pair of blue jeans and boots on as well. He looks down at his chest, where his EWA Combat Championship rests upon his chest, his right arm embracing it tightly to his body.)
Buck Dresden: Tonight, in front of all y’all faithful out there, I’m doin’ what might’ve never been done before. I’m defending the EWA Combat Championship in the main event of Live from Toronto.
(Buck lifts his head to look directly at the camera.)
Buck Dresden: I came here as a nothin’, as a nobody. I’m from the Great American South, y’all, a dumb ass soundin’ hick like me oughtta not be in New England or even here in Canada puttin’ myself front an’ center of anything. But yet…by hook or by crook, here I am.
(The fans let out a cheer as Buck smirks, chuckling as he hears their reaction.)
Buck Dresden: This Combat Championship matters to me. It matters because when ya look at how this title came to be, who’s had this title, an’ how I got this title…there’s a need to build on the legacy for this title. I’m honored to be here tonight, to put this title on the line against people that either deserve it, or are foolish enough to think they’re above it.
(He pulls the belt from his shoulder and holds it up the camera, showing the face plate.)
Buck Dresden: Tonight I walk into that ring an’ I send a message that the Combat division is alive, it’s well, an’ it’s guarded by the baddest mother fucker what ever set foot in that goddamn ring. Furthermore, I walk into that ring an’ I send a message to Indrid Calder, Sahara, Cal Rayner, an’ NOTHING that I don’t give fuck ONE about their shitstain of a faction. That it’s quality over quantity, an’ as far as I’m concerned, all four of them can’t measure up to one Buck. Martin Robertson, Jester Smiles…this is our time, gentlemen. Even you, Martin, if you get yer head out of yer ass, can change the world.
(Buck nods his head.)
Buck Dresden: So let’s do it, y’all. Let’s show Toronto an’ the whole goddamn world that EWA ain’t nothin’ to fuck with. It’s time.
(With that, Buck Dresden walks offscreen, leaving the camera to remain fixed on the wall he rested upon.)
Nikki Caldwell vs Sahara
MM: Fans, this next match started way back on Battlelines 39 in the wake of Sahara’s actions during This Mean War against her mentor Sinnocence. In a hellacious, bloody match, Sahara decided she wasn’t going to stop, and ended up severely injuring the EWA legend ending her career once and for all–
VA: Something I thank the Crimson Queen for every single day.
MM: Those actions led to Nikki Caldwell calling Sahara out at Battlelines 39. Of course, being the stand up competitor she is, Sahara balked at the challenge and told Nikki that if she wanted to face her, she’d have to run a gauntlet of matches to prove her worth. That gauntlet consisted of her other brother, Mojave–
VA: Who let her win…
MM: According to you and Sahara, maybe. Then it was Josh Kaine–
VA: Ditto on that win…
MM: Again, according to you and Sahara, maybe. And last but not least in the gauntlet was against the Titan of HATE himself, Cal Rayner. In a brilliant strategy, Nikki put him down with a simple sleeper hold, finally earning her shot at Sahara, who had now gone on to become one half of the EWA Tag-Team Champions. If that wasn’t enough, the Crimson Coward used a poisoned rag to knock Nikki out post match with Rayner and nearly end her career by hitting her with that Coup de Grace onto her unconscious form. Once again she tried to move the goalposts when an old familiar enemy of hers emerged by the name of Stacy Vandervort. She made this grudge match official, and banned ANYONE from helping Sahara during this match.
VA: Which sounds biased and unfair to me. Anyone can help Nikki, apparently, but nobody can help Sahara? She’ll be so busy looking over her shoulder she won’t be able to focus in on Nikki.
MM: Maybe she should have thought of that before she made an enemy of the entire EWA locker room, then. In either regard, here we are tonight, and I can’t wait to see what happens!
Just as the crowd begins to grow restless…
The words on the tron brings the crowd to its feet as boos instantly spread across the arena. Fog rolls onto the stage as floor lights shine upward, casting everything in an eerie shade of crimson. Moments later, a lone spotlight drops down onto the center of the stage, where the Crimson Queen stands, looking up into the lights, arms spread wide, with the EWA World Tag-Team Championship strapped around her waist…
COME A LITTLE BIT CLOSER
BEFORE WE BEGIN
LEMME TELL YA HOW I WANT IT
AND EXACTLY WHAT I NEED
Nikki Rogers: The following contest is a grudge match and has been scheduled for ONE FALL! Introducing first, from Chicago, Illinois, representing HATE and one-half of the EWA World Tag Team Champions, the self proclaimed Crimson Queen, the Princess of Pestilence, — the one and only — Saharaaaa!
I’M HERE FOR ONE DRUG
I’M ONLY HERE FOR THING
MM: It’s despicable what this woman said earlier tonight about Michael and Maggie’s tragic loss. At least the crowd is giving her what she deserves here.
VA: Suck it up, Malone, that’s what Sahara does. That’s what she’s always done…
MM: She has no class.
VA: Say what you will, she is one of the most beautiful and ferocious creatures in the EWA. She’s everything a wrestler should be.
Standing atop the entrance ramp, bathed in blinding white light, that light slowly dims, giving way to her braided blonde hair and a streak of crimson paint swiped over her right eye. Her black and red attire shines in the light as her head slowly tilts down and she looks across the sea of booing fans.
MM: I honestly cannot wait for Nikki to tear her limb from limb tonight.
VA: You mean you hope.
MM: Whatever. Fine. I hope that happens. Anything less and you could consider me disappointed. From her actions of just watching her brother get torchered by the equally despicable Indrid Calder, to those disgusting comments she made earlier tonight…
VA: We get it, Malone, you dislike Sahara.
MM: I get the feeling I’m not the only one.
Slowly stepping down the rampway with an arrogant smirk etched onto her face, the Crimson Queen slowly makes her way to ringside, coming just short of touching some of the outstretched hands that reach into the aisle way.
MM: Ohhhhh! My God!
VA: Oh wow!
As Sahara reaches the bottom of the rampway, a full cup of beer EXPLODES off the side of her head in a shower of golden liquid as she turns and charges someone in the audience! Security instantly collapses on her, yanking her back from taking a shot at the perpetrator. Security wrap their arms around Sahara and drag her back as the blonde viciously screams at the fan in question.
MM: You wanna be hated that badly? There ya go.
VA: Talk about emotions boiling over, Malone. I don’t care how much you hate this woman, we can’t have fans blindsiding our talent no matter how badly we disagree with them. That coward nailed her with a full cup of beer from less than 5 feet away.
MM: I agree. I agree emotions are high, and no, I don’t condone such behaviour from our fans.
Sahara yanks herself free from the security guards holding her and continues her way to the ring as they unceremoniously escort the fan from their seat. Pushing her beer soaked hair back, Sahara steps through the ropes amidst a, ‘Hey, hey, hey, goodbye’, chant directed at the fan in question. Checking her face for blood, Sahara shakes it off and unstraps the EWA World Tag-Team Championship from around her waist, climbing to the second turnbuckle and holding it up.
A scream followed immediately by the machine-gun percussion of Skylar Grey’s “Wreak Havoc” shocks the arena as gold pyro showers down from the scaffolding surrounding the tron. Nikki Caldwell emerges through the shower of raining sparks and steps center stage, staring down the rampway, eyes locking with her opponent.
I CAN SMELL YOUR FEAR, THE ONLY REASON THAT I’M HERE
IS TO WREAK HAVOC
EVERYBODY PRAYIN’ THAT I’LL CHANGE, YEAH
MAYBE ONE DAY, BUT TOMORROW I’LL BE BACK AT IT
MM: This all started months ago when Sahara wouldn’t stop her relentless attack in her match against Sinnocence, and regardless of how you may feel, Ashe, Nikki took exception to how Sahara treated her own mentor in that match, as well as Josh Kaine before her. Sahara has no regard for others safety, and Nikki is out here tonight to prove a point. To show Sahara that what goes around, comes around…
VA: Well, good luck to Nikki Caldwell. I love how you just assume this is going to go as you want — when the reality is, Nikki’s next in line for a one way trip to the hospital…
MM: We all hope not.
The anger on Nikki’s face is evident. Streaked with black warpaint and the large scale-armor of Sinnocence’s heirloom black-and-red Doom Jacket that juts out from her shoulders, she suddenly charges down the rampway toward the ring, stopping one quarter of the way around ringside, as Sahara remains standing on the second turnbuckle, with a snarky expression on her face, motioning for Nikki to step into the ring.
‘CAUSE BAD HABITS, THEY DIE HARD
WE LIVE FAST, WE DIE HARD
GO AGAINST ME, YOU’LL DIE HARD
Climbing the ringside steps and stepping through the ropes as Sahara jumps down from the ropes, Nikki brushes past Sahara, who silently hands her tag-team title off to Rick Iley as Nikki climbs to the second turnbuckle, playing to the crowd.
Rushing toward the corner as Nikki gazes out across the crowd, Sahara leaps onto the second rope with one foot and up to the top rope with the other and leaps off, grabbing Nikki by her hair from behind! Landing HARD, still wearing her entrance gear, Nikki grabs the back of her head and Sahara stands up with an arrogant smirk on her face, soaking in the loud burst of hate from the fans. Briefly admonishing the Crimson Queen, Rick Iley calls for the bell to start the match.
MM: The coward didn’t even wait for the opening bell! Nikki’s still got that jacket on–and did Iley just start this damn match?!
VA: This is the EWA, Malone, not to mention a GRUDGE match! Be ready for anything. And did you see that neckbreaker move thing Sahara just did?! That was awesome. She literally ran up the damn ropes and took Nikki down from behind!
MM: From behind. Two words Sahara’s heard a lot–
VA: Michael Malone! Did you just say that?! There’s hope for you yet!
Looking down at Nikki, still wearing Sinn’s heirloom jacket, Sahara stomps down on her midsection before backing into the turnbuckles and climbing to the second ropes. Leaping off, Sahara rolls through a crushing knee drop off the middle rope causing Nikki to clutch her chest. Rolling through the move and springing to her feet in one move, Sahara holds her arms out, basking in the jeers from the crowd.
VA: And this is about how I expected this match to go.
MM: Once again, she’s gonna get away with it, too. Rick Iley should have delayed the start of this match and allowed Nikki to refocus–
VA: And I’m sure you’d be saying the same thing if Nikki had the upper hand because Sahara took her eyes off the prize. For months, Sahara said Nikki Caldwell was unworthy of stepping into the same ring as her, and now she’s proving it. It’s as simple as that.
Grabbing the jacket Sinn bestowed upon Nikki, Sahara viciously yanks it off of her before spitting on it and launching it up the aisle way, where it hits the entrance ramp. Quickly jumping out of the ring, Sahara yanks a production assistant off his chair and tosses him to the side. Grabbing the chair he was sitting on, she slams it shut, sliding it in through the bottom rope.
MM: Uh oh, I get the feeling Sahara doesn’t care who wins this match…
VA: Was that ever in question? It’s not like her titles at stake.
As Sahara slides back into the ring, Rick Iley steps on the chair, yelling down at Sahara. Getting to her feet, Sahara screams, “It’s a FUCKING grudge match, moron”, in Ileys face, who shoves her back and sticks a finger in her face, arguing with the blonde.
VA: She has a point, this is a grudge match!
MM: And nowhere in that are steel chairs allowed, but thanks for playing.
Walking over to a still downed Nikki Caldwell, Sahara drags her from her position and lays her out in front of the turnbuckles, stomping down on her a couple of times for good measure.
MM: She’s going for the Valk’s Descent! That’s the Coup de Grace maneuver she landed on Nikki at the last Battlelines! If she hits this, that’s gonna be it!
Scaling the ropes, Sahara stands up just as Nikki SHOVES herself to her feet in desperation and stumbles back, smashing against the ropes, causing Sahara to spill off the top, landing awkwardly on the mat! Grabbing the side of her neck in reaction, Sahara kicks her legs in agony as Nikki nearly falls through the ropes and lands out on the ring apron!
VA: Sahara’s hurt, Malone! That landing looked horrendous.
MM: She might be hurt bad!
Scrambling to her feet while still holding her neck, Sahara stumbles back and falls to a knee before collapsing back to the mat. Getting up a second time, trying to stay on her feet, she stumbles back toward the corner and unable to keep up with her momentum, Sahara falls back, her head hitting the bottom turnbuckle, whiplashing her head!
MM: Nikki’s gotta get up, now’s her opportunity!
Grabbing for the middle rope, the Amazon slowly pulls herself up off the ring apron and rolls over the bottom rope, seeing Sahara attempting to pull herself to her feet in the corner. Just as the Crimson Queen gets back to her feet, Nikki gets to her feet and charges across the ring leaping with a sit down dropkick that hammers Sahara back into the turnbuckles!
MM: Don’t let up!
Reaching out in self defense, Sahara grabs at Nikki to tie her up, but Nikki grabs her arm, wrenching it — Sahara instead grabs Rick Iley by the shirt, refusing to let go as Nikki yanks on her arm.
MM: Is she … is she pleading with Iley to help her?!
VA: I think she’s legit hurt her neck, Malone, Iley should be doing his job and checking on her!
Pulling his shirt away, Rick Iley backs away as Nikki twists Sahara’s other arm behind her and falls back with a huge release German Suplex right onto the back of Sahara’s neck much to the crowds delight. As Sahara gets herself onto one wobbly knee, Nikki follows up her relentless attack with another sit down dropkick, nearly sending Sahara clear through the ropes, but she bounces off the middle rope and back into the ring, still holding her neck!
Back to her feet, Nikki reaches down and grabs a handful of Sahara’s platinum locks, yanking the blonde up to her knees. Winding up, Nikki nails her with a vicious right. And another. And another! And another!
MM: She’s not stopping, listen to this place!
VA: She’s busted her open!
Finally, Rick Iley grabs Nikki’s arm, preventing her from landing another vicious strike as Sahara falls back, blood now trickling from her eye.
MM: I’ve never seen such anger! GET HER! DON’T LET UP FOR EVERYTHING THIS WOMAN HAS DONE!
VA: Way to be objective, Malone.
As Sahara gets to all fours, she crawls toward the ropes, only Nikki steps in her way. Reaching out, Sahara grabs Nikki by the leg, only Nikki shakes her head no, and grabs Sahara’s arm, twisting it, and flipping the blonde over with an armdrag takedown!
MM: The Lasso of Truth! That’s the Lasso! She’s got it locked on!
Screaming in agony, Sahara twists her body in an attempt to undo the armbar, but Nikki stays with her, resting her shoulders up against Sahara’s lower back, prompting the blonde to scramble, reaching her legs toward the ropes but none are close enough! Flailing, reaching toward the ropes with her other foot, Sahara tries to push herself closer when Nikki bridges up onto her legs, yanking back even harder — bringing the crowd to life!
MM: SHE’S GONNA TAP! SHE’S GONNA TAP!
VA: Hold on, Sahara! Get the hell outta there!
Reaching out toward the ropes, Sahara makes an attempt to grab at Rick Iley, who jumps back, her fingertips barely missing the ropes! Still shaking her head no, Sahara reaches for the ropes, stretching herself to the maximum — and Nikki WRENCHES back AGAIN — as Sahara lets out a scream and nods her head yes!
MM: THAT’S IT!
VA: NO! NO! NO!
MM: She submit! SHE SUBMIT!
As the bell sounds the crowd explodes, but Nikki Caldwell refuses to relinquish the hold at first, still wrenching back on Sahara’s arm!
VA: There’s your sportsmanship, right there, you hypocrites. So long as it’s against Sahara, I suppose it’s okay!
MM: Yer damn right it is. For all the vile things she said and done. She put multiple people in the hospital–awww, NO! Nikki let her out of the hold!
Rolling off Sahara who rolls herself beneath the ropes, clutching her elbow as well as her neck, Sahara’s eyes are shut tight as she kicks her legs in agony. Nikki Caldwell merely looks down at the fallen Crimson Queen from her knees as Rick Iley moves to raise her arm in victory.
NR: The winner of this grudge match by way of submission, The Amazon, Nikki Caldwell!!!
MM: Nikki could have done to her what she’s done to so many others and ended her career with that armbar, but she CHOOSE to let her out of it, Ashe.
VA: Any wrestler on any day can do that, Malone. This match should be reviewed, and Rick Iley fined for interference, which allowed Nikki the time necessary to knock Sahara from the top rope, which changed the outcome of this match. Plain and simple.
MM: I swear you’re as delusional as she is.
As Rick Iley finally tends to Sahara and a few EMT’s ringside climb on the ring apron to check her neck, she gets up onto one knee, continuing to clutch her elbow and neck as Nikki Caldwell approaches them, prompt the crowd to cheer louder!
MM: I don’t think this is over!!!
As Nikki steps up into Sahara’s face who pulls away from the EMT’s tending to her, they simply stare at one another for a few moments before Nikki Caldwell holds her hand out, at first sparking confusion through the crowd, but giving way to cheers!
MM: There’s your damn sportsmanship right there, Ashe! RIGHT THERE! She has NO reason to offer that vile wretch a handshake, yet she does it anyway. That’s the kind of person Nikki Caldwell is…
VA: A sucker is born everyday, Malone.
Still holding her elbow and flexing her neck, Sahara stares down at Nikki Caldwell’s hand for a few moments before looking up at Nikki. Saying something to her, Sahara spits on the ground between Nikki’s legs before stepping through the ropes and dropping to the outside to a rousing chorus of boos. Approaching the time keepers table, Sahara grabs her EWA Tag-Title and steps backwards up the rampway, hissing for a brief moment as a shock of pain jolts through her elbow, prompting her to shake out her arm. Sucking up the pain, Sahara holds the tag title up in the air, a bit of that old smirk returning to her face as she once again spits in Nikki’s direction, kicking the jacket that’s still laying on the entrance ramp. Back in the ring, Nikki Caldwell merely shakes her head.
MM: What a despicable display of poor sportsmanship.
VA: And STILL EWA Tag-Team Champion of the World … SAHARA!
YOUR WINNER BY SUBMISSION: NIKKI CALDWELL (11:26)
(The camera fades to the back. There is a big EWA banner in front of a series of multi-colored lights. Terry Bull stands with Jester Smiles. Terry looks less nervous than he normally does, possibly because his interview subject isn’t completely insane.)
Terry Bull: I am here with Jester Smiles, and Jester, tonight, you will be in not one, but TWO matches, both of which could land you EWA Championship gold! How are you feeling about your chances tonight?
Jester Smiles: That’s not really the question I came here to answer, Terry, because my concern isn’t the championship.
Terry Bull: Then…then what is your goal?
Jester Smiles: My goal is to hurt NOTHING, pure and simple. That’s why I agreed to this interview, because I want it made crystal…clear…what my intentions are. Martin Robertson is an annoying shit bag, but he’s not who I’m here for. Buck…well…listen, I don’t really want to talk about Bu-
(Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Buck Dresden walks into frame.)
Buck Dresden: Terry.
(Buck looks at Jester for a long moment, letting the two men remain eye to eye.)
Buck Dresden: Why don’t you wanna talk about Buck Dresden?
(The silence is awkward. Buck appears stalwart, while Jester, even though he locks eyes with Buck and stands tall, looks…conflicted. Angry, confused…there’s a lot going on. Jester finally lets out a sigh.)
Jester Smiles: Because there isn’t a point. I’ve said my piece when it comes to you.
(Buck sighs, keeping himself calm in the face of Jester’s obvious mixture of emotions, aggressive though they may seem mixed in the awkwardness.)
Buck Dresden: Yeah, maybe you have. Maybe this mission of yours matters this much to you and that’s fine. You’ll still have Martin out there tryin’ to sneak attack or whatever he does an’ you’ll still have me out there. You wanna go out there an’ burn out once an’ for all? Go for it. After NOTHING falls, you can end his career, I can end his reign, an’ I guess…you can go to jail or the morgue or whatever you want outta this.
(He shakes his head, his frustration giving way to his sadness.)
Buck Dresden: But, man, I…
(He clenches his teeth.)
Buck Dresden: …I’m sorry. For all this. For tonight.
(Jester looks down. He snickers.)
Jester Smiles: You’re too good for this industry, Buck. I…I wish you did literally anything else as your profession…
(Jester looks up. The smile is gone. He’s angry. He’s sad. He’s…conflicted. But he stares down Buck, with no shame.)
Jester Smiles: Why not burn out, Buck? That’s what this industry is. That’s what being a fighter, a wrestler, a WARRIOR is. You go to that ring, you spin the gun barrel, and you pull the trigger every…fucking…night! So why not, Buck? Why shouldn’t I take the burden? Why shouldn’t I shoulder the pain?
I’m fucking USED to it. I wallow in darkness because I can handle it. Maybe not personally. Maybe not emotionally. But…but fuck man, I can do it until my body gives out.
And maybe if HATE is trying to kill me, maybe if people are trying to ruin MY life…then…then…
(Jester’s eyes water.)
Jester Smiles: Goddamnit Buck, just stay out of my fucking way! Defend your title, make it prestigious, win the World Title, and just…just let me do the only thing I know how to do!
I…don’t…know how to be healthy. I have no idea how to truly stop HATE. I know how to self-destruct. That’s it. That’s the only thing I’ve EVER fucking understood.
It’s all I’m fucking good at! So let me do it!
Because if I explode enough…
Maybe I’ll take them with me.
(Jester moves past Buck, bumping his shoulder and pushing past.)
Jester Smiles: It’s all anyone in this industry can really do, Buck. We’re built to break.
(Jester moves past Buck and exits the scene Terry looks over to Buck who watches his friend storming off. Buck turns his attention to Terry and nods his head, getting himself focused once more.)
Buck Dresden: Terry.
(With that, Buck’s similar salutation that began his arrival on the scene signals his departure. Terry is left alone, shrugging incredulously at what he has just witnessed.)
(The camera cuts backstage to the locker room of Cerberus.
The teenage son of Sinnocence has his boot up on the bench, tying up the laces as his lover, Mojave looks on. Josh moves his gaze from his boot to Moe’s face, noting the concern there.)
Mojave: You don’t have to do this.
Josh Kaine: Told you. This is how things are gonna be now. Ain’t runnin’ no more, Moe.
(Mojave sighs, crossing his arms over his chest.)
Mojave: I don’t know why I bothered to come back seeing as the two of you won’t listen to me.
Josh Kaine: We listened just fine, but your way don’t work. Only thing these assholes understand is a fist to the face. Nikki took care of your sister. I’ll take care of Calder.
(A drawn out sigh from the corner draws their attention and the camera pans down to reveal the sprawled out rusty-colored mastiff called Roo. Josh gives her a smile before he ties off his boot to start on the other one.)
Josh Kaine: Shit ends tonight. No more runnin’, Moe. We got a new home. New start.
Mojave: This isn’t going to end, Josh. You know that.
(Josh shrugs, quickly tying off his other boot before righting himself. He pulls on a shirt emblazoned with the outline of a massive wolf with bared fangs. Mojave just glares at the shirt, bringing a chuckle from Josh’s mouth as he closes the distance between them. The younger of the two bent down, capturing his lover’s lips in a fierce kiss.)
Josh Kaine: You gotta make a decision, Moe. Made mine. Gonna show ‘em exactly what I’m made of.
Mojave: You said you would stick by me.
Josh Kaine: Told you last night. You ain’t gonna like what I’m gonna do, but I’m gonna do it with or without you, Moe. In the meantime, don’t let ‘em take you again. Stay here with Roo. Lock the door. Gonna go skin his hide for ya.
(Moe just scoffs, looking to the side as Josh stands back up.)
Mojave: Fine. Go be Fenrir.
(Josh Kaine grins.)
Josh Kaine: I’m gonna. Gonna tear ‘em to pieces, baby.
(fade to ringside.)
(A screeching voice echoed throughout the backstage area of Gillette Stadium. The sound of something metal clanging across the concrete walkway followed the weave of obscenities as a dispatched camera crew hurried to catch up.
As the scene comes into focus, the crowd cheers as a completely disheveled Sahara is seen upending a table as workers scatter. Turning with a scowl on her face, she approaches the large metal liftgate to the underground parking garage and kicks at it, demanding the security attendant to open it. As the door slowly lifts on it’s automatic track, she grabs handfuls of her platinum hair and screams out of exasperation and kicks at the door repeatedly as it lifts.)
MM: Sahara’s in full on meltdown mode…
(Seeing the cameras approaching, she ducks beneath the halfway opened door and rushes into the parking garage and quickly approaches a vehicle. Attempting to open the door, she turns and yells, strands of saliva dangling from her mouth.)
Sahara: Where is she?! WHERE IS SHE?!
VA: This is hard to watch.
MM: She’s lost it, Ashe! But we need this. We need to watch every last moment of this woman getting what she deserves tonight, and we should all feel good about it.
VA: Not six months ago that woman was the World Champion … and now she’s tapping out to the likes of Nikki Caldwell? Nobody fought harder in this company to become something, and look at her now…clearly something’s wrong.
MM: Yeah, it’s called being crazy.
(Grabbing the lens of the camera as it approaches the scene, Sahara shoves it away with a snarl and turns back toward the car, trying to open the car for second time. Unable to get in, she hauls off and plants the heel of her boot square into the door, leaving a huge dent in the drivers side. She pauses for a second, but suddenly unloads on the door, kicking it repeatedly, adding to the damage. With each kick, she lets out a ferocious scream, kicking and kicking until there’s no power left in her leg. Finally leaning up against the car, heaving heavy breaths, she collapses against it and slowly slides down to her knees to the pavement beneath her, still facing the car door.
Finally arriving on the scene and rushing up behind the Crimson Queen, Candice Diamond latches her arms around her friend, who clutches at Candice’s forearms. Turning in her friends embarace, Sahara hugs her close and holds her close for a few deep breaths before she suddenly latches onto Candice with a primal rage in her eyes. Sahara stands upright and yanks the younger blondes head back with a fistful of her hair!)
Sahara: WHERE WERE YOU?!
(Her voice was something of an angry snarl.
Wrenching her head around, she THROWS Candice back against the car, her sapphire eyes ablaze–)
Sahara: WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?!
(Cowering beneath the ferocity of the Crimson Queen, Candice puts her hands up in self defense as Sahara reaches out and grabs the back of her head again, twisting her fist into her hair and wrenching her head around as she berates her.)
Sahara: This is yer fault — you … you couldn’t even make the roster tonight–you couldn’t even beat Rick FUCKING Remington!!!
MM: She just lost herself! She’s out of her damn mind!
VA: Could we just cut away from this?
MM: No, how about we let the world see this woman for who she really is?
(Candice attempts to respond, but Sahara continues to yank her around by the head.)
Sahara: And then you were nowhere to be found when I NEEDED YOU!
(Candice barely squeaks out a painfully broken response.)
Candice Diamond: St-Stacy banned any-anyone from helping you–
(Grimacing from Sahara yanking her head around by her hair, she pleads with her friend.)
Candice Diamond: Lauren, p-please … PLEASE! I-I couldn’t help you or Stacy would have fi-fired us both!
(Glaring down at the younger blonde squirming in her grasp like a worm on a hook, her jaw clenched firmly, Sahara’s features slowly soften as she yanks Candice in close, hugging her. Reluctantly, Candice’s balled up fists shake but open and she hugs Sahara in return as the EWA Tag-Team Champion repeatedly reassures her with whispers of, “I’m sorry”.)
Sahara: I didn’t mean to hurt you. You know that, right? I just … a few months ago I woulda’ destroyed someone like Nikki Caldwell. I don’t–I don’t know what’s happening to me…
(Leaning back to look Sahara in the eyes, her brow furrows as she shakes her head.)
Candice Diamond: It was just a bad night. For both of us.
(Candice grabs the blonde by both sides of her face to capture her undivided attention.)
Candice Diamond: You’ve been Combat Champion, the WORLD Champion, and you’re the CURRENT Tag-Team Champion. Have you even seen Twitter?
(Hurriedly reaching into her pocket, she pulls out her iPhone and shoves it in Sahara’s face.)
Candice Diamond: Did you forget your interview with Allison?!
(Gazing at the phone, Sahara merely shakes her head)
Candice Diamond: Yer comments about Michael and Maggie?! It’s all they’re talking about…just like you said!
(The crowd boos as Candice turns and falls back against the car, heaving a sigh of relief… Back at ringside, Mike Malone shakes his head and tosses a pen onto the announcers desk in exasperation.)
MM: It’s like premeditated cowardice. She knew those comments about Michael and Maggie would light up the Internet–
VA: She’s brilliant, Malone, and her best friend just reminded her of that in the middle of a meltdown…and that’s what friends are for.
MM: Those two aren’t friends, Sahara uses her like everyone else. Look at how she treated her moments before she “apologized”. I’m just done…let’s move on.
Josh Kaine vs Indrid Calder
NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH
MM: This one promises to be brutal, Vincent–
VA: Yeah, and I can’t wait to see just how Indrid Calder tears the pup limb from limb!
MM: I wouldn’t put all of your money on that bet, Vincent – Josh Kaine sure showed what he can do against NOTHING at Battlelines!
VA: Showed what he can do?! He lost! He showed that he can’t stand up against HATE, Malone – nobody can!
MM: He came closer than others have, and tonight I think he’ll finally be able to write the proper ending to this story by putting Indrid Calder down once and for all!
NR: The following contest is scheduled for one fall… and is a No Disqualification match!
(The crowd pops knowing that what they’re about to see has the potential to be a true war. Their cheers only intensify as “Them Bones” by Alice In Chains begins to play throughout the arena. The opening vocals rumble from the speakers as Josh Kaine steps out from behind the curtain. He takes a moment to pause as he looks out amongst the fans here in Toronto.)
NR: Making his way to the ring first, from Lenoir, North Carolina… weighing in at one-hundred and ninety pounds… JOOOOOSSSSHHHHH KAAAAAIIIINNNNNEEEEEE!
MM: Josh Kaine making his way to the ring here, Vincent, and he’s taking a bit more time than he did on his way to the ring with NOTHING.
VA: Well, he’s probably moving a step or two slower after being brutalized like that!
MM: I think it’s more that he’s learned a bit of a lesson. He dove head=first into that match and let his emotions get the best of him. If he’s going to get past Calder, he’s going to have to be smarter than that.
VA: Smarter… than… HAHAHAHA! Okay! Yeah! Right! If this kid had any brains at all he’d turn right back around and run out of this arena!
(Josh will do no such thing. He makes his way down the ramp, acknowledging the fans on either side of the aisle as he does. He reaches the ring and grips the top rope to pull himself onto the apron… but lets go of the rope and tilts his head to the side, a train of thought running through his brain. He walks around to the opposite side of the ring and lifts up the ring skirt surrounding the ring.)
VA: I told ya, Malone – this is his best bet! He’s going to hide under the ring!
MM: Oh, give me a break! He’s not… wait… what’s he… he’s pulling chairs out from under the ring and throwing them into the ring!
VA: Whoa, whoa – slow your roll, buddy!
MM: No way on earth, Vincent! He’s tossed half a dozen chairs into the ring and now… he’s pulling out a table! The crowd is electric as Josh sets the table up right outside of the ring on the arena floor! And NOW he rolls into the ring, his eyes fixed on the entrance!
VA: Just like a Kaine, trying to stack the deck and take shortcuts. It won’t matter! You can’t break down a Pillar like this!
(As Kaine readies himself in the ring, the lights in the arena drop out and the crowd begins to boo. The video screen flickers to life to show a tattered gray shroud floating past willow trees. Smoke begins to billow from the edges of the shroud as it begins to pass by a row of mirrors, each one showing a different angle of the visage of Josh Kaine. The smoke dances in front of and around the mirrors as Kaine’s reflection in the mirrors looks in all directions. Suddenly, the glass begins to break… before completely shattering, the glass falling out of view. As it does, the lights drop out completely and the familiar static and words are heard throughout the arena…)
it seems strange that my life should end
in such a terrible place
(“Smoke and Mirrors” by Puscifer begins to play throughout the arena as The Stranger himself, Indrid Calder, saunters onto the stage. He moves slowly but with purpose, his gaze shifting around the arena as a devious grin spreads across his face. He pauses at the top of the ramp and turns his head toward the ring to focus on his opponent this evening, Josh Kaine. Kaine, furiously pacing in the ring, is the antithesis of the calmness exuding from Indrid Calder as he begins his walk down the ramp.)
MM: Indrid Calder is taking his time here, Vincent – he’s in no rush to get this one started.
VA: Are you kidding me? You think he’s afraid of this kid? He’s making him wait for it, Malone! Making Josh Kaine sweat every second Calder takes getting to the ring!
MM: So you think this is a part of Calder’s sick game? After torturing Mojave and almost cutting him to ribbons, this is all just another ploy?
VA: Of course! Do you know who you’re even talking about?! Everything he does is calculated! Kaine is getting angrier and angrier with each passing moment, and he’s going to force the kid to make mistake after mistake just like he did against NOTHING at Battlelines!
(Calder reaches ringside, still taking his time as he strolls around the ring. He glances up at Josh from time to time, but the smirk on his face and his nonchalant attitude serve only to enrage Kaine who is being held back by the referee. Calder turns the corner, his hand wrapped around the ring post, and lets his fingers dance slowly along the top of the table previously setup by Kaine. His fingers drift softly over the surface, the referee now having to physically push Josh Kaine back into the opposite corner as Calder passes the table and leaps onto the apron.)
MM: Calder finally getting on the apron here, and… I think you may be right after all, Vincent. Calder seems to be loving this right now!
VA: Of course I’m right, you idiot! Indrid Calder is as smart as he is disgusting, devious, and demented.
MM: Both men are now in the ring and Calder is looking as smug as ever!
VA: I told you before, you’ve got to do way more than throw a few chairs into the ring to throw off the concentration and gameplan of a Pillar!
MM: Regardless, Kaine is ready to unleash! He’s fuming, pacing back and forth in the corner as the referee lays out the rules to both men. Calder, to his credit, is standing still with that smirk on his face!
The competitors are in opposite corners and… the ref calls for the bell! Kaine rushes in toward Calder, who steps with less urgency out of the corner and toward the center of the ring. Kaine with a jab, but Calder swiftly dodges to the side. Kaine swings again, but Calder again avoids the contact.
MM: Kaine is already swinging with intent to knock out, but I believe he’s got to get a hold on his feelings and try not to go for the home run shot right out of the gate.
VA: It’s his best shot, Malone – probably his ONLY shot! The longer this match goes on, the more it benefits Calder. He’ll break this kid down physically and mentally!
Kaine swings again and Calder avoids… then slaps Kaine right across the face! The crowd lets out a collective “OOH!” as the shot echoes throughout the arena, and Kaine is stopped dead in his tracks.
VA: Lookit ‘im, he’s gonna crumble right over! One shot, knockout!
MM: No, I don’t think so, Vincent. Calder may have just awoken something he’s not ready for!
Calder stands still, his smug expression beaming as he looks down at Josh. Kaine brings a hand up to his own face, feeling the spot where Calder connected with the slap – his opponent’s fingerprints imprinted on his face in bright red. Kaine turns his head to look toward Calder, a fire burning in his eyes and–
MM: Kaine takes him down! Double leg takedown, and Kaine is raining blows down on the skull of Calder!
VA: Alright, lucky shot! Lucky shot!
Kaine is blasting away at Calder, the crowd going more wild with every punch that connects! Calder is attempting to cover up but just can’t underneath Kaine… but he manages to bring a foot up and plant it in Kaine’s chest, pushing his younger opponent back. Calder quickly rolls out to the arena floor and starts to try and shake the onslaught off.
MM: And now it’s Calder who is taking your advice to Kaine and running away!
VA: Runni–are you serious?! This is strategy! Getting a breather, making Kaine wait for it–
MM: He won’t be waiting for long! Kaine is out on the ring apron and leaps – BOOM!
Kaine leaps off of the apron and nails Calder with a huge blow from behind, sending The Stranger careening into the steel barricade! The crowd is quickly to their feet and in the face of Calder… who takes a swing at the ringside fans! He turns himself around to look for Kaine – and gets nailed with a leaping forearm shiver to the face!
MM: Calder knocked back into the railing and almost topples right over it!
VA: Get this back in the ring, c’mon! Where’s the sportsmanship??
MM: It’s No Disqualification, you oaf – sportsmanship left this one long ago!
Calder grips the barricade, an attempt to use it to hold himself up as he puts some distance between himself and Kaine. Kaine advances, though, and nails another forearm to the back of Calder’s neck. The Stranger flops chest-first on top of the railing and Kaine is right there, grabbing a handful of his hair and… face-first into the railing!
MM: Kaine attempting to put that railing through Calder’s skull!
VA: Alright, MAYBE the kid has learned something from his match with NOTHING a couple of weeks ago. MAYBE he’s a little bit more focused… but it still won’t matter!
MM: Keep telling yourself that, Vincent, and maybe someday it’ll actually be true! Kaine is all over Calder here on the arena floor!
Calder continues to walk alongside the railing but Kaine is with him every step of the way and rams him face-first into the railing once more! Calder quickly spins back around, though, and connects with a hard knife-edge chop to Kaine’s chest! Kaine is staggered briefly but then connects with with a straight punch to the forehead of Calder, sending The Stranger back into the railing.
MM: Kaine with an answer for Calder here, and now he grabs The Spider King and rolls him back into the ring.
VA: You know, I’m sure this is all part of Calder’s grand scheme. Make yourself vulnerable and when the moment is right – you strike!
MM: Strike out, maybe…
VA: Cram it, Malone!
Kaine follows behind Calder, who is getting groggily to his feet and falls back-first into the corner. Kaine advances in toward him – boot to the stomach from Calder! Kaine is taken back a step but quickly recovers with another forearm shot to the jaw forcing Calder to slump back into the corner. And now Kaine is climbing the ropes!
MM: Kaine is scaling the ropes and… he’s raining down shot after shot to the head of Calder!
VA: He’s relentless, Malone! Shot after shot…!
The crowd is counting along with Kaine as his knuckles pound the already punished flesh of Calder’s head… but Calder grabs hold of him! He has the youngster over his shoulder and steps out of the corner – inverted atomic drop!
MM: Calder with the atomic drop… but Kaine is able to put enough space between himself and Calder’s knee to avoid the contact!
VA: And a straight right punch! A sucker punch, damn it!
MM: You’re right on that one – Calder, on one knee, just had his jaw rocked by Kaine!
Kaine yanks Calder sharply to his feet, and The Stranger immediately throws a headlock on The Heir of Valhalla. Kaine backs into the ropes and sends Calder off to the ropes on the opposite side.
MM: Kaine isn’t waiting for him to come back, though – he charges right behind Calder!
VA: Calder rebounds – YEAH!
MM: A shoulder block, and down goes Kaine! He might have been better served to wait for him to retu–
VA: Drop toehold from the canvas, and Calder is down!
MM: Kaine won’t quit!
Kaine hits the canvas hard from the force of Calder’s shoulder block but he immediately locks Calder’s legs up and twists, bringing him down with a drop toe hold from the canvas! Calder hits hard on the canvas and Kaine is back up!
MM: Kaine flips Calder over and grabs a hold of that left leg… he’s spinning into a figure four leglock!
VA: He’ll never make The Stranger tap!
MM: Maybe not, but he might be able to give him a taste of his own medicine with a broken leg!
Kaine spins around to complete the hold – but Calder reaches up and absolutely BURIES his fingers into the eye sockets of Josh Kaine! Kaine lets out a scream as he drops the hold and brings his hands to his face, prying Calder’s fingers away!
MM: Disgusting! He’s going to blind him!
VA: You… you just said Kaine was going to break his leg! An eye for a leg, Malone! Like the proverb says!
Kaine stumbles away toward the ropes and Calder, from his back, kicks up and out hard connecting with Josh’s lower back. Kaine falls through the ropes and onto the apron, right above the table he placed outside of the ring before the match began!
MM: Calder taking a moment to recover here as Kaine is attempting to clear his vision on the ring apron.
VA: I’ve got a vision for ya, Malone – Josh Kaine going head-first through that table!
Calder makes his way to the ropes and extends his body halfway through, grabbing the mohawk of Kaine and raining down fist after fist into his face! Kaine is trying to cover up but after having his eyes attacked by Calder, he can barely even see where the shots are coming from let alone block them.
VA: This is what we all expected to happen, Malone. Calder making an example of this little twerp in front of everybody!
MM: He certainly has the upperhand at the moment, I’ll give him that – but don’t count Josh Kaine out just yet!
Calder exits the ring now, standing on the apron and pulling Josh up to his feet. He pushes him back slightly and connects with a thrusting blow to the throat of Josh!
VA: There ya go, take away all of his vitally important functions! First the ability to see, now the ability to breathe!
MM: Well, I guess it’s not the worst strategy… but despicable, nonetheless!
Kaine doubles over and Calder sets his sights! He grabs Josh in a front facelock, tosses Kaine’s arm over his own head… he’s going to suplex him from the ring apron!
MM: If he hits this, Josh may have trouble getting back to his feet at all!
VA: Calder’s going to drive him right through the table Kaine himself setup! The hubris of Josh Kaine is finally going to catch up with him!
MM: Hubris?! Did you just say “hubris”?? Where the hell did you learn that word?!
VA: Hey, Malone, I know words! I know a lot of ‘em! I’m like a human… whattaya call it… that thing with all the definitions in ‘em!
MM: Okay, focus Vincent! Calder has Josh hooked on the apron and he lifts… Kaine blocks! He’s got his leg wrapped around the bottom rope and Calder is unable to lift him into the air!
Calder releases the front facelock… and a hard slap across the face of Josh! Kaine is staggered on the apron and Calder backs up, pausing briefly before charging toward him!
VA: Here we go…!
MM: BAAAAAACK BODY DROP!
Kaine has enough wherewithal to put his head down, and he catches Indrid Calder with a HUGE back body drop! Calder crashes down HARD on the ring apron, and Josh drops to his knees still favoring the eyes previously dug into by Calder – but now, both men are vulnerable!
MM: Calder is lucky he didn’t go through the table, Vincent!
VA: Is he?! I don’t know if you know this or not, but the apron is the hardest part of the ring! It might have been less of an impact to go through the table than to land on the apron!
MM: There it is – the one astute claim from Vincent Ashe for the match! Good point, Vincent. It’s now up to one of these men to capitalize!
Kaine is pulling himself back up to his feet with the aid of the ropes while Calder slowly sits up on the apron, his hand clutching at his lower back as he grimaces in pain. Kaine rubs his eyes one last time and turns to Calder… and sets off charging down the apron!
MM: Kaine into the air!
VA: DOUBLE STOMP!
MM: MY GOD! He just folder Calder like origami, Vincent! A vicious double stomp to the base of the neck, and Calder slumps over before falling all the way to the arena floor!
VA: He may be out cold! I’m not so sure his head didn’t connect with the ring apron with the force Kaine put into that move!
The crowd explodes as Kaine looks to back in this one! Calder is writhing on the arena floor and Kaine looks to have a second wind, leaping to the arena floor himself and pulling Calder to his feet. European uppercut! Calder feels the full weight of Kaine’s blow here and is thrown back into the steel post. Kaine grabs him by the back of the head and delivers another hard-hitting European uppercut to the chest! Kaine grabs Calder again and spins him around… shoving him face- and chest-first into the post!
MM: Calder connects with a sick thud and now… wait… Josh grabs him in a waistlock!
VA: What’s he–
MM: GERMAN SUPLEX ON THE ARENA FLOOR!
VA: MY GOD!
MM: Calder gets folded up again, and AGAIN feels the brunt of it on his skull! He could be out cold!
VA: Kaine’s not waiting to find out, though!
Kaine quickly reaches into the ring and grabs hold of one of the chairs he tossed into the ring at the beginning of the match! Calder is struggling to regain his composure, sitting back up against the announcer’s table with a hand gripping the back of his head. Kaine advances toward him with the chair and swings it back… but stops?!
MM: What’s he doing?!
VA: He can’t do it! He’s too weak!
MM: Oh, come on! It’s not weakness, it’s humanity!
VA: Same difference!
Kaine is frozen in place, looking down at Calder who has a hand extended out in front of him asking Josh to stop. The crowd is livid at this point, as Calder now pulls himself back to his feet with the help of the announcers’ table. Josh lowers the chair and a grin crosses the face of Calder… who lifts a boot to the stomach of Kaine!
VA: KILL HIM, INDRI–
MM: Josh catches the foot with his right hand, the chair still firmly in his left! Calder thought he was going to pull one over here, and Josh saw right through it!
VA: Oh, have some compassion for The Spider King!
Calder is hopping on one foot, attempting to maintain his balance as Kaine burns a hole through him with his gaze! With one quick motion, Josh drops the chair and sweeps the right leg out from under Indrid! Calder hits the arena floor hard on his back and Josh… OHH! He swings Calder’s left leg into the announce table!
MM: Oh, my word! Did… did you hear that?!
VA: I think I heard something pop!
MM: Calder’s kneecap connected with the corner of our table and… and… he may be seriously injured!
Calder clutches at his knee in agony as Josh reaches down and picks the chair back up… WHAM! Wasting no time! WHAM! And with no compassion! WHAM! WHAM!
VA: Alright, that’s a bit much, Malone!
MM: It’s a bit deserved, Vincent! Kaine with four… BOOM! Five! OHH! Six! Six chair shots to the left knee of Indrid Calder, and the chair is just as much a mangled mess as The Stranger himself!
VA: This just isn’t right, damn it!
MM: It’s the most right! Josh Kaine is finally fighting the way he should have been fighting all along, Vinent! He’s got to realize that he isn’t just fighting for himself… he’s fighting for Mojave! He’s fighting for his mother! He’s fighting for Michael Draven and Maggie McIntyre! He’s fighting for everyone who has come up against HATE in the past! He’s got to keep the edge of that blade sharpened, and he’ll either live by that blade or die by it tonight!
Calder is rolling around in pain on the arena floor as Kaine lets out a tortured scream to the delight of the crowd. With no care given to Indrid’s condition, Kaine pulls him up to his feet and shoves him harshly against the steel railing. Josh advances quickly and begins driving boot after boot into the side of Indrid’s knee!
VA: I guess one way to make sure you survive the fight is to make sure you’re fighting a man who can’t even stand, Malone! Cheap if ya ask me!
MM: Smart, if you ask me! With only one leg, how effective will Calder’s finishing move be? He can’t leap off of a broken leg to deliver that vicious For The Horseman curb stomp!
VA: Well, now that’s just not fair! Everyone deserves a fighting chance!
Calder shoves Kaine away and begins hobbling along the railing, attempting to get some feeling back in his leg in the hopes that nothing is seriously damaged. Kaine comes right back after him… and kicks him in the back of the knee! Calder’s leg flies high into the air, but Calder maintains a death grip on the railing to keep him vertical. Kaine isn’t satisfied, though, and picks Calder up… crotching him on the railing!
VA: Oh, no! Think of Sahara!
MM: I think every move Kaine makes is with Sahara in mind, Vincent! With Sahara, Rayner, NOTHING, and Calder all weighing heavily on his mind!
Calder howls in pain as Josh plants him on the railing, and now the Heir of Valhalla is walking away from his indisposed foe… but not for long! Josh turns to his side and – SMACK!
VA: Right on the money!
MM: Kaine connects with a BRUTAL superkick to the jaw of Calder, and The Stranger once again hits the arena floor with a loud thud!
Calder finds himself on the arena floor once more due to Josh Kaine, who advances quickly and lifts Calder to his feet before rolling him into the ring. Kaine follows behind… and covers him!
VA: Oh, that was close, Malone! Too close!
MM: Indrid Calder and HATE wanted to bring the best out of Josh Kaine, and that’s exactly what’s happening here tonight! I just don’t think Calder was ready for it!
From the kickout, Calder sits up clutching his still-throbbing knee as Kaine gets to his feet. From behind, he grabs a hold of Calder’s hair and spins him around to his knees. Kaine is trying to pull Calder to his feet and… OH! LOW BLOW!
VA: There ya go! Take him out, take a breather!
MM: Calder with a low blow to Kaine that positively lifted him off of his feet! And now Calder simply shoves Kaine through the ropes and to the floor!
VA: The master strategist, Malone! It’s No DQ and Calder is taking advantage of that fully to regain his composure a bit!
Kaine is laid out on the arena floor clutching at his groin as Calder rolls to the opposite side of the ring to pull himself up with the ropes. He positions himself in the corner Kaine started the match in, kicking some of the chairs out of his way with his good leg as he settles in against the turnbuckle.
MM: And being No DQ, Vincent, there’s no countout. Calder gets a reprieve here but there will be no countout victory – he’ll have to deal with Kaine at some point!
VA: Oh, he just got dealt with! I’d be surprised if he’s not already tapping out on the arena floor!
MM: Think again – he’s reaching up for the bottom rope!
Much to Vincent Ashe’s dismay, Kaine is pulling himself back up with the bottom rope and glaring at Calder across the ring. Kaine pulls himself into the ring and Calder straightens his posture out, rolling his neck to prepare for the next round with Kaine.
MM: Calder is almost challenging Kaine to come at him!
VA: Of course he is! Calder, a former World Champion, isn’t going to let this kid think he’s got the upper hand at all!
MM: He’s had the upper hand for the past several minutes of the match, you goon!
Kaine is back to his feet in one corner with Calder in the opposite – we’re back to square one! The crowd is at a fever pitch, on their feet in Toronto, and… Kaine charges in!
MM: Here we go!
VA: NOT SO FAST!
MM: OH GOD! THE BACK OF JOSH’S HEAD!!
Kaine charges in toward Calder, but Calder steps out gingerly and uses Kaine’s own momentum to lift him into the air before dropping him with a HUGE Urinage onto the chairs!
MM: Calder positioned himself there perfectly – he knew exactly what he was doing!
VA: And he didn’t have to put all of the pressure on his left leg, Malone! He used Kaine’s own momentum and stupidity to help him lift him into the air before driving him down!
MM: Calder, with a brilliant and horrifying mind, always plotting his next move!
Kaine is rolling around in the throes of pain on the canvas, his hands clasped around the back of his head after being slammed hard onto a pile of steel chairs. Calder takes this time to once again slowly advance toward Josh, still trying to get some life back into his leg. He still can’t put pressure on the leg, hobbling toward Josh as he rolls away.
MM: Calder still unable to fully capitalize here, though, as that leg is still giving him some trouble.
VA: That’s fine, Malone. Calder can adapt. He can change his gameplan. If anyone in this company can think on the fly and change their style at a moment’s notice to fit any situation, it’s Indrid Calder!
MM: I certainly can’t disagree with you there, that’s for sure!
Kaine finds himself near the ropes and Calder follows, holding himself up with the top rope as he buries boot after boot into the head of Kaine! Calder is relentless here, perhaps attempting to knock Kaine out cold!
VA: Stomp that stupid haircut right off of him, Indrid!
MM: With a few more stomps, he may take his entire head off!
Calder continues to lay in the stomps as the boos of the crowd grow, and Josh rolls right out to the arena floor.
MM: I’m not sure if he rolled out there on his own or if the stomping from Calder pushed him out, but it may be a saving grace either way.
VA: Not a saving grace, Malone – just a temporary break from the punishment.
Indeed, Calder exits the ring himself and violently yanks Kaine to his feet by the head and neck. The younger competitor is on Dream Street here, his legs wobbly under the weight of his body. Calder reels back… a big chop to the chest! Kaine turns and slumps over onto the apron as a grin crosses the face of The Stranger.
VA: This is what we came to see, Malone – Indrid just toying with the punk!
MM: Nobody wants to see this except you, you sick freak!
Calder leans over Kaine and buries an elbow into the back of his head, grinding the point of the bone into the same exact spot Josh was just dumped on in the ring! With his free hand, Calder reaches into the ring and pulls out another steel chair. He releases his elbow from the back of Kaine’s and he slumps down to his knees as he grasps the back of his head.
MM: Calder obviously has evil intentions here with that chair.
VA: Does a guy like Indrid Calder have any intentions that aren’t evil to at least some degree? Even when he’s doing something that benefits another one of his Pillars, you know it’s going to lead to pain for someone else down the road!
Calder unfolds the chair and sets it up on the arena floor before retrieving Josh’s nearly limp body from against the ring apron. He drags Josh toward the chair and grabs hold of his head, twisting around…
MM: OH MY GOD!
VA: NECKBREAKER ON THE CHAIR! Someone check that kid’s pulse!
MM: This one’s got to be over! Mercifully, it has to be over!
Calder drops Kaine with a neckbreaker right along the back of the chair – Kaine’s head and neck bouncing violently off of the metal edge before his body crashes hard to the floor! Calder, sitting on the arena floor, looks over his shoulder with a grin and slight chuckle as the referee checks to make sure Kaine is even still with us at this point.
VA: Tell that ref to get the hell out of here! He’s No DQ, don’t go calling this one off early!
MM: He’s still got to look out for the safety of the competitors, you imbecile!
VA: Nah, you waive that right when you get into a war with HATE and even further when you agree to a No Disqualification match with the most demented one in the whole bunch!
It seems as though Kaine is able to continue as the referee reenters the ring. Calder gets to his feet and just kicks the chair away, the metal folding back up as he bounces off of the collapsed body of Josh Kaine. Calder reaches down and pulls Kaine up… his body is completely limp! Calder lets go of his head and he drops to the floor eliciting a laugh from The Stranger!
MM: The referee may want to reconsider this one, Kaine is clearly out cold!
VA: It ain’t over ‘til that bell rings, Malone! Quit getting your panties in a bunch and just enjoy the slaughter!
Calder reaches down again and pulls Kaine up once again, wincing in pain as he is forced to put pressure on his left leg. He’s got him up, though, and is walking him around the ring.
MM: What’s he doing, Vincent? Where’s he going with him??
VA: He’s showing him off to all of these idiots in the crowd, Malone! Everybody loves a parade!
MM: Wait, no – he’s dragging him toward that table Kaine setup earlier in the match!
VA: Oh, even better! EVEN BETTER!
MM: Calder rolls Kaine up onto the apron right in front of the table… what horrific plans does he have in store here??
Calder has Kaine positioned near the table and now himself climbs onto the apron near the ring farthest from Josh. Calder is stretching out the left leg, but what’s he got planned here? He’s massaging his knee as he waits for Kaine… watching the youngster slowly get to his hands and knees.
VA: OH, I see what’s going on here! And it’s beautiful! It’s going to be beautiful!
MM: I don’t… Calder watching Kaine get to his feet… but why?!
VA: Not to his feet, Malone – he’s going to drive that kid’s head through the table!
MM: Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!
Kaine is on all fours on the apron and Calder stands up straight. He backs into the post… and sets off toward Kaine, leaning into the ropes for leverage! He leaps onto the back of his head…!
VA: FOR THE HORSEMAN!
MM: NO! NO!
Calder leaps, planting a foot on the back of Kaine’s head – but Kaine springs to life, standing up straight as Calder pivots off of the back of his head!
MM: Calder is coming back down fast…
VA: Josh catches him!?
MM: Powerbo-NO! HE’S GETTING CALDER LOCKED INTO POSITION!
VA: GET OUT OF THERE!
As Calder comes back down to Earth, Josh catches him in position for a powerbomb… but lets Calder’s body fall backward, attempting to lock him into position for… for…
MM: BERSERKER SLAAAAAMMMMM!!!
VA: THROUGH THE DAMN TABLE!
Josh Kaine just countered For The Horseman into the Berserker Slam, from the apron THROUGH A TABLE! This place has come unglued as both men are writhing in a pile of wood and metal on the arena floor! Calder hit hard on every part of the front of his body, his hands alternating between clutching at his knee and his face! Kaine isn’t much better off, blood now trickling from his forehead after essentially putting himself through the table, too!
MM: I’ve never seen anything like that, Vincent!
VA: I don’t think Calder has, either! Where the hell did Josh Kaine pull that out of?!
MM: I’ve been telling you from the very start – there is no quit in this kid! He took his time, he waited for a spot, and he just drove Indrid Calder through a damn table!
VA: But he’s still got to get him back into the ring, Malone! He can’t win on the floor, and both men have battered their bodies beyond to the point of no return here!
MM: He’s stirring, Vincent – and that’s more than we can say for Calder!
Kaine is indeed stirring and beginning to pull himself to his feet as Calder continues to struggle with the punishment inflicted on his knee and the force of being driven through the table and to the arena floor. Kaine is grabbing everything he can to pull himself up – the ring skirt, the bottom rope, the second rope… and now, as he reaches his feet, the top rope!
MM: Kaine is back on his feet!
VA: I don’t believe it!
MM: Seeing is believing, my friend, and we’re about to see Kaine put an end to The Spider KIng here in Toronto!
Kaine grabs Calder and drags him to his feet, Calder limping on one leg as Josh forces his body back into the ring. Kaine follows behind quickly and hits the far ropes as Calder gets back to his feet.
MM: Kaine hitting those ropes like a heat-seeking missile!
VA: He’s got the target acquired…!
MM: GOOOORRRRRRRREEEEE!!! He just gored Calder, but… Jesus, he connected directly with the left leg and sent Calder spinning in the air!
VA: He’s going to cripple him, Malone!
MM: He almost got caught with For The Horseman on the outside of the ring once, Vincent – and Calder was only able to attempt it with the help of the ropes! If he keeps Calder in the ring with nothing to hang onto, he’s going to cut that move entirely out of the equation!
VA: HATE finds a way, Malone… don’t count him out!
Calder gets spun all the way around and lands hard in a seated position in the center of the ring, his hands clutching at his left leg as Kaine quickly gets to his feet behind him. Josh is grabbing chairs from the corner of the ring and piling them on top of one another in the center of the ring, obviously preparing… for something!
Josh lifts his right fist into the air, his thumb extended… and drags it across his throat! He’s signaling the end for Indrid Calder!
MM: Josh is saying this one’s all over, Vincent!
VA: NO! Get outta there!
Kaine pounces on Calder, grabbing him by the head and spinning him around before forcing him to a feet. He bends Calder over, placing his head between his legs… he’s going for the Berserker Slam again, and he’s positioned right in front of those chairs!
MM: He’s going for his finisher again, this time in the center of the ring and with the added insurance of a pile of steel chairs!
VA: He can’t get him hooked, though!
MM: Calder is flailing his arms wildly, not allowing Kaine to trap his arms to hit the move!
VA: And now Calder is pulling himself up! What strength!
MM: Good God, showing incredible core strength Indrid Calder pulls himself up… and grabs a hold of Kaine’s throat!
VA: YEAH! CHOKE HIM OUT!
Calder, his legs still over Kaine’s shoulders, locks a deathgrip around his throat! Kaine’s face is quickly turning red as the blood is squeezed out of his system, his arms dropping to his sides as Calder’s legs slide off of Kaine’s shoulders…
MM: Calder lands on his feet, still with a grip–
VA: He’s knee gave out!
MM: Indeed! Calder’s grip on Kaine’s throat loosens due to the shock of the pain, and Kaine slaps the arm away!
VA: DIAMOND CUTTER!
MM: ON THE CHAIRS!
VA: Kaine leaps into the air, hooking Calder’s head–
MM: NO! Calder leaps off his good leg and plants his right knee into Kaine’s back… LUNGBLOWER!
VA: WHAT A COUNTER!
MM: A miraculous counter! Calder turns a Diamond Cutter into a Lungblower, and Kaine bounces forward onto the canvas, but Calder comes down back-first on those chairs!
VA: But what a genius! He only used the one knee, keeping his left leg free from any further damage!
Calder is staggering to his feet now, a hand clutching his lower back as he eyes Josh. Josh is starting to roll over to his hands and knees and… Calder charges toward him!
VA: FOR THE HORSEMA–
MM: NO, the knee buckles and Indrid stops dead in his tracks!
VA: Son of a bitch!
MM: Wait, where’s Calder going now??
Kaine is on his hands and knees, his hands gripping one of the chairs in the center of the ring. The Stranger turns toward the ropes, gripping the top rope with both hands and… leaps off of his right leg, planting his right foot on the middle rope. He springboards back, turning as he flies toward Josh–
MM: SPRINGBOARD FOR THE HORSEMAN!
VA: FLIGHT OF THE HORSEMAN, MALONE!! RIGHT INTO THOSE DAMN CHAIRS!
MM: Calder, always thinking, springs off of the good leg and turns in mid-air absolutely BURYING Kaine’s bloodied face into the canvas!
Kaine is spiked like a lawn dart off of the steel chairs, the smack resonating throughout the arena as a bright red pool of crimson is stamped onto the metal surface! Calder collapses next to him, rolling his limp body over… he hooks the leg!
THREE!!! IT’S ALL OVER!
VA: YES! YES! HE DID IT!
NR: Here is your winner… IIIIINDDDDDRRRIIIIIIIIIIDDDDD CAAAAALLLLDDDEEEERRRRR!
MM: Indrid Calder pulls it out! He adapts on the fly and puts Josh Kaine down with a… what did you call it?! A Flight Of The Horseman!
VA: Just like Sahara took Flight of the Valkyrie and put her own stamp on it to show just how much better she is than Sinnocence ever was, Calder puts an extra little something on his own finishing move to wipe out the son of Jada Kaine!
MM: Incredible! And now, both men are flat on their backs in the center of the ring as the crowd voices their displeasure for the victory of Indrid Calder.
VA: Ungrateful! He gives them the performance of a lifetime and they can’t even be bothered to show an announce of respect!
MM: Respect?! Do you not remember how he almost carved Mojave to the bone at Battlelines?! How could anyone respect this guy??
VA: Respect, fear… it’s all the same when you get right down to it.
The referee is tending to Kaine, who is being rolled toward the corner to recover. Calder is getting to his feet in the opposite corner, using the ropes to pull himself to his feet once more. He grimaces in pain as he looks across the ring at his adversary, the crimson mask covering his face as the dejected Heir of Valhalla stares blankly ahead. Calder, using the ropes to hold himself up, begins walking across the length of the ring toward the next corner.
MM: Calder still using those ropes for leverage, walking himself along them and ready to make his exit as the young Josh Kaine contemplates everything he’s been through over the past several weeks.
VA: What’s there to contemplate? You played with fire, and you got burned! He should have known better than to ever have doubted the efforts of Cal Rayner to mold him into something more. If he hadn’t been so stupid and stubborn, he wouldn’t be sitting here covered in blood right now!
MM: Nonetheless, Calder is… wait… he’s not leaving the ring. He’s… he’s using the ropes to help him walk right toward Josh!
VA: Oh, it’s not done yet! Drive him into the mat again, Indrid! Lay him up in the hospital bed just like Sahara did to his useless mother!
MM: HEY! Watch your mouth! She’s a damn legend!
Calder approaches Kaine and referee Juan Cardillo turns around, putting his hands up in front of The Stranger to stop him…
MM: Oh, come on! Damn it!
VA: Don’t get in the way of Indrid Calder, Malone!
MM: Calder just threw Cardillo right out to the arena floor, and now Josh Kaine is scrambling to get to his feet!
VA: Hope you made right with everyone in your life, kid – you’re about to…
MM: Wait, what the… what the hell’s he doing?
Kaine is attempting to pull himself to his feet, and Calder bends down toward him to place a hand on his chest! He’s holding him in place in the corner, and now circles around to stand right in front of him. Calder hops back a step on his good leg, putting a little bit of pressure on his left leg as he stares down at the now-frozen Josh Kaine.
Calder is mouthing something to Kaine, but the cameras aren’t quite close enough to pick it up. Whatever Calder is saying, though, causes a look of puzzlement to form on the face of Josh Kaine… before Calder reaches his hand down toward him!
MM: What’s this??
VA: I… I assume it’s some kind of trap! Right? I mean… right?!
Kaine stares at the hand extended toward him, the crowd giving a mixed reaction to the gesture by The Stranger. Some aren’t buying into whatever this is, while others are encouraging Kaine to take the hand of the man who just pinned him. Kaine looks to his left and then to his right, gauging the response from the crowd as Calder’s hand remains extended, The Stranger gazing down at his fallen foe…
… and Josh reaches up, grabbing the hand of Indrid Calder!
MM: Calder pulls him to his feet!
VA: Is he gonna hit him?? He… he should hit him!
MM: That’s–will you shut up? I don’t think that’s what this is about!
Calder pulls Kaine to his feet, the young son of Jada Kaine resting against the turnbuckles. Calder leans in, his words falling on Josh Kaine’s ears only as the cameras are still unable to pick them up. He lets go of his grip on Josh’s hand and gives him a hearty couple of slaps on the chest before backing away and exiting the ring!
MM: Is that… a show of respect from Indrid Calder? And honest-to-God, no-nonsense show of respect from The Spider King??
VA: I mean, he is human after all! I think… right? Something resembling human, at least?
MM: Josh Kaine just took Indrid Calder to his limits, and The Stranger isn’t blind to that fact – I think he’s just seen that the young pup has his teeth!
VA: Well, I’ll give him that – I don’t think this kid is the same “young pup” Jada Kaine sold off to Cal Rayner! Everything he’s gone through in the past several months, every trial and every fight… the pup is a full-fledged hound, and Indrid Calder knows it!
Indrid backs his way up the ramp, joined by Cal Rayner about halfway up the entrance to help him to the back. Josh Kaine stands in the ring, his arms resting on the top rope as he watches The Spider King disappear behind the curtain.
YOUR WINNER BY PINFALL: INDRID CALDER (24:02)
(We fade backstage to a view of Stacy Vandervort’s makeshift office at the Air Canada Centre. The door is half open, and our view of Stacy is obstructed, but not enough so that we can’t see the scene; the Executive Assistant is sitting at her desk, a cell phone raised to her ear, clearly frustrated. The cameraman, whose presence Stacy seems to be unaware of, zooms in, and we begin to pick up Stacy’s side of the conversation…)
Stacy Vandervort: I know that. And we’ve talked about this, repeatedly. You know I can’t do that, even if I wanted to, which I don’t —
(Silence on Stacy’s end, and her brows furrow in frustration, her next words slightly louder.)
Stacy Vandervort: Are you serious? You ask me that question as if I don’t have a good reason? Think about what you’re saying–
(The blonde runs her hand through her hair, exasperated.)
Stacy Vandervort: I can’t believe we’re even having this conversation right now, in the middle of this show, especially considering how many times we’ve already discussed–
(Stacy’s eye happens to catch the camera, and her eyes widen as she raises her voice.)
Stacy Vandervort: What the hell are you doing!? This is a private conversation, get the hell out of here!
(The Executive Assistant lurches up from her desk, but our trusty cameraman is much too quick, vacating the premises before we quickly fade back to ringside.)
VA: Uh…what the hell was that, Malone?
MM: I’m not even going to speculate on what that was, Vincent, and it clearly wasn’t any of our business.
VA: I bet she was talking to the pool guy.
VA: You heard me.
Main EventMartin Robertson vs Buck Dresden vs Jester Smiles vs NOTHING
FATAL FOURWAY MATCH, TWO FALLS - FOR THE EWA COMBAT CHAMPIONSHIP & WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
MM: It’s time for the main event, Vince. For the past three months, these four combatants have caused chaos amongst each other, and it all comes to a head here tonight!
VA: That’s right.
MM: That’s it?
VA: What do you mean?
MM: You don’t have anything else to add? Nothing about your tweet earlier that said you were hashtag “All In on HATE”? Or the contradictory Instagram post an hour later saying Martin should pack an extra suitcase to bring home both championships?
VA: I would never do that…
MM: … or the picture of you holding a bottle of Jameson, saying you were saving this for Jester’s after party after he loses twice in a night…
VA: … Ok, I might do that one…
MM: … or the Fa…
VA: OK! I get it! Just send it up to Nikki in the ring… GOD!
DING! DING! DING!
NR: Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the MAIN EVENT of the evening!
(Jester walks out with no fanfare or celebration. No pyro shoots off. There are no music cues. When his music starts, he walks out, ignoring the hands of the fans and the cheers.)
NR: Introducing first, weighing in at-uhmmm…
(Nikki looks surprised as Jester is already in the ring before she is even able to announce him. He ignores her, everything really, as he walks over to the opposite ring ropes and begins to pace, shaking his fists. He scowls, looking at the top of the ring. He is antsy, anxious, and angry.)
MM: Jester’s flare for the dramatic has been thrown out the window. This is a very different man than what we saw at This Means War.
VA: He’s an angry man, but I’d be angry too if I had spent 4 months being made HATE’s bitch! You’re getting an official Vincent Ashe prediction, patent pending, right now, folks. Jester Smiles is DONE after tonight. If NOTHING doesn’t break him, he’ll quit after this night, guaranteed.
MM: I really hope that doesn’t become a regular thing…
NR: …weighing in at TWO HUNDRED and SIXTY FIVE pounds…hailing from AUSTIN, TEXAS by way of RICHMOND, VIRGINIA…JESTER…SMILES!
(Jester bounces as he walks, stretching and loosening up, his eyes never taken off the entrance ramp.)
(After a few moments, the arena goes pitch black, save for the jumbotron, which has a dim lit glow to it. A few seconds later, the infamous image of the Skull King appears on the screen, eliciting an enormous chorus of jeers from the crowd, before…)
HAIL TO THE KING
HAIL TO THE ONE
KNEEL TO THE CROWN
STAND IN THE SUN
HAIL TO THE KING!
(As Avenged Sevenfold’s “Hail to the King” blares throughout the arena, a single spotlight shines down on the center of the entrance ramp. The curtain under the screen begins to part, and slowly stepping through the opening is the Youth King himself, Martin Robertson. Wearing the same regal purple robe we’ve seen in prior weeks and a golden crown that shimmers off the single light matching the image on the jumbotron above him, Martin steps forward slowly, head held low, facing the ground. As he reaches the spotlight, he finally picks his head up to look out at the crowd, the scowl of an angry and vengeful king on his face.)
MM: With a look of determination on his face, Martin Robertson steps foot into the Air Canada Centre looking to finally ascend to where he feels he rightfully belongs… at the top of the EWA!
VA: Of course he’s determined, Malone! He’s been screwed six ways from Sunday since he single-handedly ended the careers of everyone in the Youth, which includes the husband of the head giraffe in charge, Chris Kage, and his own mentor, Alexander Haven! So tonight, he finally gets his chance to gain the World Heavyweight Cha…. OH GOD DAMN!
(As Vince was talking, Martin extended out his right hand from the robe, and stepping through the same curtain as he did a second ago, a second spotlight shined down on the entrance ramp, revealing the Queen Bitch, Alyssa Marie Haven, walking towards her paramore, wearing a very form fitting black gown, complete with sequined purple cape to match Martin’s, as well as her own crown. Reaching out for Martin’s right hand with her left, she steps besides her man, draping his arm across the back of her shoulders, as she seductively poses next to her King.)
MM: The rumors had been circulating since her return at Battlelines 42 on whether or not Alyssa would be accompany Martin to the ring tonight…
VA: Well, I guess those rumors have been answered, Malone, because the Queen is beside her King!
NR: Introducing next, accompanied to the ring by Alyssa Marie Haven, he is the self-proclaimed “Youth King” of the EWA. Weighing in tonight at TWO HUNDRED and THIRTY-FIVE pounds… Here is “PERFECTION”… MARTIN… ROBERTSON!
(With a smile and a little heel kick like a schoolgirl, Martin finally smiles before he begins his march towards the ring as the strobe lights have started to shine, rhythmically pulsing to the beats of the song…)
VA: God damn that’s a ve..
MM: A what, Vince? Something you care to inform Martin?
VA: A…. a…. A very fine and respectable woman to accompany her man to the ring during his greatest battle.
MM: Mmm Hmm… I’m sure that was it.
(Martin and Alyssa reach the ring, with the Youth King holding open the bottom and middle ropes, allowing his queen to enter first, before following right behind and, once again, mimicking the same pose from the entrance ramp a minute ago. As the jeers continue towards the Youth King, both Martin and Alyssa just smile before separating briefly. Martin removes Alyssa’s cape and drapes it over the ropes before Alyssa returns the favor, removing Martin’s robe.)
MM: The second generation superstar, looking to capture his second individual title here tonight!
I…AM A MAN…OF CONSTANT SORROW…
I’VE SEEN TROUBLES…ALL MY DAY…
(The fans POP as out from the back emerges BUCK DRESDEN, “Man of Constant Sorrow” by Charm City Devils plays. He stands at the entrance stage and glares down at the ring for a moment before he turns his attention to the fans. He pulls off his baseball cap and throws it into the audience, pointing and yelling at the fans and slapping hands as he begins his march down to the ring. He removes his Bad Ass Brotherhood vest and lets it drop to the ground below him, unbuckling the EWA Combat Championship from his waist as he stands at the ringside area.)
VA: And here comes good ol’ Captain America, only nobody wants to play Avengers with him! HA HA HA HA!
MM: The audience seems to love Buck Dresden for his optimism, his aggression, and his willingness to fight against the darkness here in EWA,
VA: Ahh he’s what would happen if Mr. Incredible was a redneck and was plopped into the world of the Devil’s Rejects!
NR: And their opponent, he hails from the GREAT AMERICAN SOUTH…he weighs in at TWO HUNDRED and FIFTY-SEVEN POUNDS…he is the EWA COMBAT CHAMPION…here is BUCK DRESDEN!!!
(Buck walks up the ring steps and ascends the turnbuckles, hoisting the EWA Combat Championship above his head. He points to the audience with the belt and then turns to look at Martin Robertson and then to Jester Smiles. He holds the Combat Championship high above his head once again before he hops down off of the corner and into the ring. He looks Martin up and down and then walks over to Jester, offering his hand. Jester, without making eye contact, reaches up and the two men slap hands in a sign of some sort of respect.)
MM: There are definitely no friends in this upcoming warzone.
VA: Not like Buck has any friends anyway.
(“Man of Constant Sorrow” dies down as Buck stands in his corner, handing off the Combat Championship to the referee.)
(The lights in the arena completely drop out, the crowd beginning to buzz as the final man is set to enter the fray. The sinister crackling and buzzing begins to flow through the speakers as the fateful words are heard over top of the noise…)
It seems strange that my life should end
in such a terrible place
(“Without You I’m Nothing” by Placebo begins to play as a single spotlight shines down on the stage. Out from behind the curtain steps the EWA World Heavyweight Champion, NOTHING, with the championship strapped firmly around his waist. He wears his traditional garb, a pair of black leather pants with gold stripes up the outside of the legs and a matching leather vest with gold accents. His head is bowed, his eyes focused on the floor at his feet, as the crowd rains boos down upon him.)
VA: And here he comes, Malone! The Purveyor! The Pillar! The Harbinger of HATE! YOUR World Champion and mine – NOTHING!
MM: Are you on his payroll or something?! What urges you to spout this stuff off every week?
VA: He’s our champion, why wouldn’t I spout this stuff off? Plus, I’d much rather try and stay on HATE’s good side than their bad side.
MM: Do they even have a good side?
VA: That’s, uh… that’s a fair point.
NR: And, finally… hailing from Albany, New York… weighing in at TWO HUNDRED and FIFTY-FIVE POUNDS… he is the current EWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION… here is NOOOTTTTHHHHIIINNNNGGGG!
(NOTHING makes his way down the entrance ramp, his eyes shifting focus between each of the three men already awaiting him. Martin Robertson makes a step toward the EWA World Heavyweight Champion as he approaches the apron, but then backs himself off at the behest of the official. NOTHING grabs the top rope and pulls himself to the apron before stepping into the ring, to the center, and extending his arms as the arena lights flood on. He tilts his head back to soak in the vitriol from the crowd here in Toronto before bringing his head forward and backing into a corner, removing the EWA World Title as he backs against the turnbuckles.)
MM: NOTHING looks focused as ever here tonight, Vincent. We’ll see how he fares against three of the top Warriors the EWA has ever seen!
VA: Listen, if you want to take a look at the top three Warriors the EWA has ever seen, just take a field trip to the House of HATE!
MM: Well, that can’t be denied, Vincent – but he’s in the ring with Buck Dresden, Jester Smiles, and Martin Robertson right now. The House of HATE needs to be in the back of his mind right now, not in the forefront.
VA: Says you! You know the Pillars are all waiting backstage ready to step in if things get a little too hairy out here!
MM: That’s exactly what I’m afraid of!
The four men are all in their corners, watching one another tentatively. No man quite making a fast move. Suddenly, however, Jester RACES across the ring to NOTHING, who ducks from the ring just as quickly! The bell sounds, and Martin rushes to attack Jester from behind and Buck yanks Martin around, pointing to Jester and motioning for him to leave him be. Martin rolls his eyes and goes to attack Jester again, catching Jester’s attention now. Jester looks Martin up and down and shoves him, causing him to bump into Buck. Martin looks over his shoulder to Buck, then back to Jester. Buck shoves Martin into Jester, who shoves Martin back into Buck. Martin catches himself mid shove and glares at both men.
Martin Robertson: STOP!
He holds his arms out to both men, motioning to NOTHING who stands outside the ring. NOTHING looks at the three of them when all of a sudden, Jester FLIES over the ropes, crashing onto NOTHING! He pummels NOTHING with punch after punch on the outside of the ring as Martin seems proud of himself. Suddenly, he gets caught from behind by Buck, who lifts him up for a belly to back suplex! He lifts Martin high, but Martin slides behind Buck, hooks Buck’s head, and goes for a reverse suplex, but Buck overpowers Martin, turns around, and hits Martin with a Northern Lights Suplex, but Martin goes OVER the ropes and lands on his feet on the apron! Buck gets his wits about him, only for Martin to hit him with an elbow shot and leaping over for a sunset flip!
VA: That was CLEARLY a three!
MM: It wasn’t even a two!
On the outside, Jester has NOTHING pinned against the guardrail, punching him mercilessly in the face. Martin, meanwhile, picks Buck up, but Buck hits him with an inverted atomic drop. Martin doubles over in pain and Buck keeps it up with a scoop slam, bringing Martin to the mat. Buck looks over and rolls from the ring. He walks over to Jester and pulls him off of NOTHING. He points at NOTHING and Jester shoves Buck back, going back to the attack. Buck shakes his head and grabs Jester again, and Jester elbows Buck in the face! Martin is quick to slide from the ring, grab Buck and RAM him into the corner post! Jester realizes what he’s done, but it’s too late as Martin grabs Jester and throws him into the guardrail, sending Jester into the crowd! Martin looks down at NOTHING, who is groggy but slowly starting to smirk until Martin picks him up, throws him into the ring, and goes for the pin!
VA: WHEN WILL THIS CONSPIRACY END?!
MM: Vincent, you’ve got to be kidding me.
VA: HOW FAR DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE DOES THIS THING GO, MALONE?!?!
Martin slaps the mat, picking NOTHING up, only for NOTHING to hit a thumb to the eye on Martin and turn to leave the ring when all of a sudden, he is faced with Buck Dresden and Jester Smiles, both men back in the ring. NOTHING looks behind him and Martin is shaking off the thumb to the eye and now the World Champion is surrounded! NOTHING sighs for a moment and then he charges at Buck and Jester! Both Jester and Buck go for a double clothesline, but NOTHING ducks underneath and the clothesline FLATTENS Martin! NOTHING tries to slide from the ring but Jester is right after him!
MM: Jester needs to be careful, this obsession with NOTHING is going to cost him dearly!
Buck shakes his head, rolls from the ring, and stalks Jester and NOTHING. NOTHING tries to run from Jester, he slides into the ring and Jester follows after him! NOTHING slides back out of the ring RIGHT into Buck’s waiting arms! NOTHING is hoisted HIGH in the air…and Buck DRIVES him into the ring apron! NOTHING is out of breath, but before Buck can go on the attack, Jester pushes him out of the way and starts picking NOTHING up and driving him into the ring apron again and again and again! Finally, Jester prepares to hit him again, and Buck grabs his arm! He slings Jester around and points to NOTHING and then to himself, pointing out that this was his fight.
VA: These guys can’t handle the other having the spotlight, Malone! No wonder HATE is so dominant with THESE selfish monsters trying to be our quote unquote “heroes” around here!
Jester gives him a warning and goes back on the attack. All of a sudden, Buck SHOVES Jester. The two men start to shove one another when Martin Robertson nails ALL THREE of them with a baseball slide, sending the three of them into the guardrail! Martin looks at the three of them and he picks Jester up, rolls him into the ring, and goes for the pin!
Martin shrugs, rolls from the ring, grabs NOTHING and rolls him into the ring for the pin attempt!
Martin shakes his head in disbelief as he rolls from the ring, grabs Buck and throws HIM into the ring. He sprawls over Buck for the pin attempt!
Martin slaps the mat in frustration as he just tried three straight pin attempts and all three of them ending up falling flat.
MM: Don’t…say it.
VA: Say what?
MM: You know what.
VA: DON’T TRY TO SILENCE THIS CONSPIRACY, MALONE!
MM: Dear God.
Martin picks up NOTHING and hits him with a few elbows, bringing him to the corner. He takes a hold of NOTHING and catches him with a clothesline! With NOTHING still in the corner, Martin charges at him and hits him with a dropkick in the corner! Out of nowhere, NOTHING gets flattened by a Jester Smiles SPLASH! NOTHING staggers out from the corner, right into a pumphandle from Buck! Buck hooks NOTHING up and tosses NOTHING over his shoulder to hit the Cattle Driver, but Jester yanks NOTHING down and goes to LEVEL him with a Virginia Sidekick NO! NOTHING ducks and Jester NAILS Buck with the Sidekick to the BACK of the head! Buck falls against the ropes and Martin shoves Jester out of the way, rolling Buck up for the pin!
Jester boots Martin in the head, breaking up the pin! Jester gets in Martin’s face, arguing with him about trying to take advantage of Jester’s accidental hit on Buck. Martin shrugs off Jester’s complaining and turns to put the boots to Buck again, but Jester again spins him around and catches him with a HARD Exploder suplex, throwing him against the ropes! Jester shakes his head in frustration and goes to check on Buck. He helps Buck up to his feet, Buck groggy. He shakes off the cobwebs and motions to Jester about the Virginia Sidekick, smacking himself in the back of the head to accentuate the attack. Jester seems annoyed with Buck’s anger, but he throws his hands up in surrender and keeps on talking to Buck. Buck’s fists are balled up in anger and he doesn’t see NOTHING behind him! Jester and Buck BOTH shove one another out of the way and Buck CLOBBERS Martin while Jester NAILS NOTHING! The fans erupt as both of the erstwhile allies point to one another, lift up their foes, whips their opponents into one another and nails SPINEBUSTERS IN STEREO!!!
MM: Jester and Buck, at least for this moment, are ON THE SAME PAGE!
Buck looks out to the audience and then looks at Jester, who steps over Martin and stands in the center of the ring. Buck soon meets him in the middle and the two men nod at one another…AND START WAILING ON ONE ANOTHER WITH HARD RIGHTS!
VA: THEY CAN’T EVEN LET ONE OF THEM HAVE THE SPOTLIGHT, MALONE, LOOK!!
MM: Jester and Buck are ALL about the fight! This is their moment right here!
Jester’s fierce onslaught starts to get the better of Buck, and Buck whips Jester to the ropes, drops to the mat to allow Jester to run past him, then gets up to his feet, bends over, and Jester leaps over him with a sunset flip, but Buck grabs Jester by the throat and HOISTS him back to his feet! Keeping his hands around Jester’s throat, Buck lifts him up in a two handed CHOKEBOMB, landing in a pinning position!
MM: Buck and Jester have long awaited for the chance to finally get in the ring and compete against one another and they’re getting it right here!
Buck rolls away and grabs Jester back up. He kicks Jester in the midsection and hooks Jester up in the pumphandle! Buck nods his head and lifts Jester up…AND DROPS HIM WITH THE CATTLE DRIVER!
Jester gets foot on the bottom rope! Buck throws his head back in frustration, ONLY FOR NOTHING TO CONNECT WITH PURE HATE! NOTHING goes for the pin!
TH—JESTER MANAGES TO THROW HIMSELF ONTO NOTHING, BREAKING UP THE PIN!
MM: JESTER WITH THE SACRIFICE!
VA: But now he’s in trouble! NOTHING’s locked on to him!
NOTHING glares down at Jester, who is still very much out of it. NOTHING kneels down over Jester and attacks him with punches! Jester is reeling, barely able to defend himself against the onslaught as Martin Robertson catches NOTHING from behind with a modified inverted DDT that he turns into the PTO!! Martin arches back HARD on NOTHING!
MM: MARTIN MIGHT FINALLY HAVE NOTHING!!
NOTHING reaches out valiantly, trying to find a way to break the submission! Jester, meanwhile, holds himself up against the ropes and he catches Martin’s eye, he aims…GOLDEN PUNCH!!!! Martin releases the PTO!!! NOTHING cradles his throat as Jester turns his attention to NOTHING yet again, only for Martin to hit him with a LOW BLOW! Jester doubles over in agony as Martin collapses from the Golden Punch! NOTHING picks himself up on his hands and knees, breathing heavily as he surveys the carnage around him. He grins from ear to ear sees Martin Robertson and Jester Smiles are BOTH down. NOTHING is up on his feet, and he starts to chuckle. He slowly extends his arms, showing everyone his kingdom. He is startled, however, by a firm grip on his wrist and the fans losing their minds.
MM: Look out, Champ!
VA: I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING!
NOTHING turns right as Buck Dresden SNAPS NOTHING around AND NAILS HIM WITH THE BUCK SHOT!!! The fans pop MASSIVELY as Buck screams out in excitement, hooking NOTHING’s leg!
The fans POP HUGE as Buck Dresden throws himself back onto his knees, screaming in elation. He picks himself up, cocks his imaginary shotgun, and levels it at NOTHING, letting loose a shot!
NR: Your winner…and STILL EWA COMBAT CHAMPION…BUCK…DRESSSSSSSSDEEEEEEENNNNN!!!
MM: BUCK DRESDEN HAS DEFEATED THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION CLEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!
VA: I can’t…believe it. What is…even happening…
Buck nods his head as the referee lifts his arm in victory. Buck staggers backwards into the corner, catching his breath as he sees the carnage before him. Danny Smith briefly raises Buck’s hand to acknowledge the win from the first fall. Buck backs up into a corner, listening to the instructions of Smith as he bends down to look at NOTHING. Meanwhile, Jester and Martin have returned to the ring, also heading to opposite corners.
YOUR WINNER BY PINFALL, AND STILL EWA COMBAT CHAMPION: BUCK DRESDEN (13:44)
VA: What the hell is Smith doing?
MM: He’s not starting the second match until all four competitors are back to their feet.
Buck is over in his corner, chomping at the bit to get the contest started again, while the other three competitors are taking their time, trying to catch every last breath they can, especially NOTHING, who has just reached the corner.
VA: C’mon… I think Smith is sandbagging this start!
MM: No, I think he’s just trying to make it fair for all of the other competito… OH! Jester isn’t waiting, though! He just charged at NOTHING right as soon as he got to his feet, laying right hands to the side of the World Heavyweight Champion! Jester whips NOTHING across the ring… and Martin gets the boots up, knocking back NOTHING… and Buck with a massive running lariat! And now he sends NOTHING over the top rope!
VA: What are these guys doing?!?
MM: It looks like… they got rid of NOTHING…??
VA: You can’t treat the World Champion like that?
MM: They just did, Vince. They tried it the first match, and they’re trying it again! And look at them… they just realized that without NOTHING in the ring, they all have a shot at the World Title! And there they go!
VA: This is madness!
MM: All three men, laying right fists to each other.. It looks like a high school brawl in the ring!
After a few seconds of chaos, Buck finally sends Martin reeling backwards into the corner, which allows Jester to catch Dresden with his own right hand, sending him backwards. On the outside, NOTHING is just getting to his feet, with Jester seeing this out of the corner of his eye…
MM: Jester… off the far ropes… SUICIDE DIVE TO THE OUTSIDE ON THE CHAMP!
VA: Meanwhile, in the ring, Martin just caught Buck with a release German Suplex!
MM: But Martin is still a little slow to his feet here… but he finally gets back up. He sees Jester on the outside, still focused on the World Champion on the outside…
VA: Quick, get the pin on Buck, Marty!
MM: He might actually be listening to you, because as Jester is distracted on the outside, Martin’s picking Buck back up… but a breakout by Buck, and now he’s landing right after right on the Youth King!
Buck staggers Martin back to the corner, landing a huge overhand chop onto Robertson, who doubles over, grimacing in pain. Buck straightens him up, landing a second overhand chop onto the chest of Robertson, who howls like a scalded dog in pain. Buck grabs Martin’s hand for a whip across the ring…
MM: … Jester’s back in, and he nearly clotheslined Martin out of his boots! And a clothesline to Buck follows that!
VA: I didn’t even see him sneak back in the ring!
MM: I don’t think anyone did, Vince!
Jester bends down to pick up Buck, but only long enough to dump him back over the top rope before turning his attention to Martin, who has managed to crawl himself to the far rope. Jester stomps down on the back of Martin a couple of times before pushing him under the bottom rope and out of the ring.
MM: Jester has gained control of the ring!
VA: Not for long, Malone!
NOTHING has made it back to his feet, sliding under the bottom rope and back into the ring. He charges at Jester, but in a split second, Jester sees him, pushing him past and off the far ropes. But NOTHING rebounds and flies towards Jester, catching him with a forearm smash! But the momentum sends Jester off the back ropes, who rebounds with his own right hand to the jaw of NOTHING. The World Champ catches himself on the rope, and as Jester charges, NOTHING pulls down the top rope, and over the ropes and to the outside goes Jester!
VA: What an intelligent move by NOTHING!
MM: I don’t know if it was calculated or out of desperation, but it temporarily halts the onslaught from Jester Smiles. But here comes Buck!
VA: I think they’re all targeting NOTHING as the weakest one in this match right now!
MM: Well, if you can take out the current champ, Vince, you’ve essentially guaranteed that there will be a new World Champion.
Buck blasts from the corner, shoulder tackling NOTHING into the corner before standing him up and landing an overhand chop to his chest in the corner. But NOTHING flips him around, and now he’s landing knife edge chop after chop to the chest of the Bluegrass Badass. Buck absorbs all the blows, though, and now he’s flipped NOTHING back into the corner, and a huge overhead right hand drops NOTHING down on his backside in the corner.
MM: What a right!
VA: But here comes Robertson…
MM: OH! Buck saw him at the very last second, and a drop toe hold by Dresden on Robertson… and a well placed head butt on the seated World Champion!
VA: No man should ever be hit there, Malone! Intentional or not!
Martin rolls out of the way, only to have Jester re-enter the ring on the opposite side, charge towards NOTHING — right past Buck — and dropkick the World Champ in the corner! Buck waits for Jester to get back to his feet before grabbing his arm and whipping him back across the ring, following in with a huge lariat in the corner!
MM: What force behind that clothesline from Buck! Could this really be the night for the Bluegrass Bad Ass to capture two championships?
VA: God I hope not.
MM: Well, that makes one of you. Buck turns around… another clothesline to NOTHING, who just got back to his feet. Buck turns back around…
VA: YES, MARTY!
MM: Martin Robertson caught Buck with a shoulder tackle just as he was turning around to charge at Jester! Robertson, quickly pouncing… snap brainbuster on the Combat Champion! God, what impact!
VA: But here comes Jester…
MM: Dropkick by Jester to Martin, sending him crashing back into NOTHING! Martin staggers out as NOTHING falls to the outside… snap suplex! Everyone’s down except Jester!
VA: What’s he doing?
MM: I… I don’t know, Vince. He looks conflicted about what to do next….
VA: If he’s smart, he’ll try to pin someone.
MM: But something tells me he has bigger plans…. RUNNING PLANCHA TO THE OU…
VA: NO! NOTHING CAUGHT HIM!
MM: … and INTO THE RING POST BACK FIRST! What a move by the World Champ! How did he have the strength to do that?!?
VA: Within the hive, all things are possible.
MM: I highly doubt that. But here’s NOTHING, picks up Smiles… OH GOOD LORD! Dropkick into Jester leaning against the post!
VA: All impact, Malone!
MM: Wait a second… in the ring… Buck with an arm…
MM: NOTHING BREAKS UP THE PIN!
VA: What quick wits by NOTHING!
NOTHING, somehow the most active of the three in the ring, is the first to his feet, picking up Buck, who managed to get back to a knee. NOTHING grabs the back of Buck’s head, landing three well placed forearm strikes to the jaw of the Combat Champion. NOTHING backs Buck up to the ropes, irish whip across the ring. Buck ducks a clothesline on the rebound… ducks a second clothesline… back body drop by NOTHING, but Buck lands on his feet! He turns around, landing a forearm of his own to the jaw of NOTHING…
VA: Here comes Martin!
MM: Double clothesline… no! Both Buck and NOTHING duck! But Martin holds onto the ropes. And a double clot…NO! OH WOW!
VA: Martin pulled the rope down!
MM: He did, sending both Buck and NOTHING to the outside! What’s he doing now? No…. no, Martin…
VA: I’ve never seen him do this! DON’T RISK IT!
MM: Martin…. Martin…. OH MY GOD! MARTIN ROBERTSON WITH A MOONSAULT OFF THE TOP ROPE ONTO BUCK DRESDEN AND NOTHING ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE RING!
VA: He’s pulling out all the stops here tonight, Malone! Still think he can’t be King?
MM: Of course he can, Vince… OH GOD!
VA: Where’d he come from?
MM: Out of nowhere, Jester Smiles just took out Martin Robertson with a Yakuza Kick! And now all four men are down on the outside of the ring!
“THIS IS AWE-SOME!” *clap, clap, clap clap clap*
“THIS IS AWE-SOME!” *clap, clap, clap clap clap*
“THIS IS AWE-SOME!” *clap, clap, clap clap clap*
MM: At this point, Vince, I think anyone has just as good of a chance at winning the World Heavyweight Title tonight!
VA: Without a doubt, Malone. But remember, when there’s one member of HATE around, the others are surely not too far behind, and that will always give NOTHING an advantage!
MM: While that may be true, you also have three other very focused individuals in this match as well, all capable of winning the World Heavyweight Championship tonight.
From the cluster, Jester has crawled to one side of the ring, and NOTHING has done the same on the other side. Buck gets to his feet before Martin, but he’s slowly starting to stir as well.
MM: Whoever gets in the ring first, Vince, is going to have one awesome advantage.
VA: Completely agree, Malone.
Buck manages to be the first one back into the ring, and he begins surveying the other three competitors. He turns his attention to NOTHING, who is the first of the three back up on the apron. But NOTHING catches him with a shoulder to the midsection. He rolls over the top rope and over Buck, landing in the ring. He runs to the far side, but waiting for him there is Jester, who knocks him down with a clothesline. Jester looks across the ring to see Buck there, but a split second later, Martin pops up in between the two…
VA: Get out of there Martin…
MM: He looks left, sees Buck. He turns right, sees Jester…. DOUBLE YAKUZA KICK!
MM: The double team by Buck and Jester just crumbled the Youth King’s kingdom to rubble!
VA: HEY! You don’t get to talk about the Kingdom like that!
MM: COVER BY BUCK…
MM: Jester pulls him off! Now Jester goes for the cover!
MM: Now Buck pulls Jester off… oh no!
VA: Yeah, let’s see these two fight now!
MM: Buck and Jester, staring each other down…. WAIT… DOUBLE COVER!
MM: NOTHING breaks up the pinfall!
VA: What the hell were they thinking? They were going to share the title?
MM: That’s how bad everyone in this contest wants to be World Heavyweight Champion, Vince.
Jester and Buck pull NOTHING up to his feet, each of them trading blows with the World Champion. But out of nowhere, NOTHING kicks Jester in the midsection, doubling him over. Before Buck can react, NOTHING throws Jester into Buck, sending the Combat Champion stumbling backwards into the ropes. Still doubled over, NOTHING comes from behind with a roll up…
MM: Robertson! At the last second, with just enough strength to break up the pinfall.
VA: Look at the face of NOTHING, Malone!
MM: That evil, maniacal stare that NOTHING is giving Robertson at the moment, who’s barely up to his knees at the moment. Like a fire beginning to rage out of control… NOTHING off the ropes..
VA: PURE HATE…
MM: NO! Robertson ducked! NOTHING turns around… Running knee strike by Jester on the World Champion! NOTHING is down!
VA: But here comes Martin…
MM: Jumping reverse bulldog! COVER…
MM: Dresden with the save!
VA: Martin almost had him there! Maybe if he zigged when he should have zagged…
MM: Zigged when he… what the hell does that even mean?
VA: Damned if I know…
Buck and Martin slowly get to their feet together, and lock up, pushing each other towards the ropes and the corner of the ring. After a few seconds of jostling, Buck gets the advantage, nailing Robertson with a sharp right hand in the corner. But Martin responds quickly, reaching out, grabbing Buck by the head and dumping him over the top rope.
MM: Jester back up… he charges at Martin… But Martin dumps him over the top rope as well!
VA: TURN AROUND, MARTIN!
MM: Jester lands hard on the floor, but now the World Champion is back on his feet…
VA: PURE PERFECTION!!!
MM: Robertson just absolutely plastered NOTHING with that kick! Is this finally his time?
VA: PIN HIM!!!
VA: He’s gonna do it!
MM: NO! At the very last second, referee Danny Smith looked up to see NOTHING’s foot on the rope!
VA: See! You still don’t believe now about the conspiracy?!?
MM: Why, because Danny Smith made the correct call?
VA: If that was anyone else, he’d have made the three count! Martin has every right to be furious right now!
Martin has cornered Danny Smith, claiming that it should have been a three count. But Danny’s holding his ground, insisting that NOTHING got his foot on the rope before his hand hit the mat for the third time. Infuriated, Martin storms over to NOTHING, standing him back up, although NOTHING’s head is clearly on another planet right now.
MM: Buck Dresden, from behind… he’s trying to lock in that 8 second ride on Martin, but Robertson is fighting it as much as he can… hip toss over by Martin…
VA: PURE PERFE..
MM: NO! Buck ducks the leg, catches Martin… EXPLODER SUPLEX!
VA: But here comes Jester…
MM: Yeah, but he’s making a beeline for NOTHING… Jumping knee strike by the World Champ! Jester’s down! But here comes Buck..
VA: Not this guy again…
MM: But NOTHING gets the boot to the midsection… DDT by the World Champ! Off the ropes…
VA: OH WOW!
MM: He went to nail Martin with Pure HATE once again, but Martin just collapsed to the canvas, and he ended up knocking Buck off the apron and out to the floor below!
VA: How great of a World Champion is NOTHING!
NOTHING pauses for a moment to take a look around and survey the setting. Martin has rolled over underneath a corner turnbuckle, while Buck is attempting to get back up to a knee on the floor outside. Jester is still in the ring, slowly making his way back up to his feet.
MM: NOTHING stalks over towards Smiles, but he’s just standing there and… talking to him?
VA: Jester has made it known that his biggest priority tonight was extracting as much punishment onto the Purveyor of HATE as he possibly could… but look at him now, putty in the hands of the World Champion!
MM: And NOTHING… he… he’s just mocking him right now! Standing in the middle of the ring, trying to humiliate Jester once again. He drops him down to his knees…
VA: Goodbye, Jester Smiles.
MM: NOTHING, looking down at the helpless Jester Smiles one last time… off the ropes… WHAT?!?
MM: WIPE THE SMILE! JESTER COLLAPSES ON TOP OF NOTHING…
THRE…. NO! ROBERTSON! AT THE VERY LAST SECOND!
VA: I mean… how? Thank you Martin, but where did Jester pull that from?!?
MM: Jester has made it his mission to end NOTHING and the rest of HATE, and he just about did it right there, out of nowhere!
“THIS IS AWE-SOME!”
“THIS IS AWE-SOME!”
“THIS IS AWE-SOME!”
MM: … and listen to this capacity crowd here in the Air Canada Centre give it up for these four incredible combatants here tonight in our main event!
VA: They’re all showing why they were deserving of this opportunity… but there can be only one World Champion Malone… who’s it going to be?
Buck has been watching all of this from the outside, and now he slowly slides back into the ring, surveying the damage. The first one even attempting to make it to their feet is the Youth King. Buck lunges quickly, pulling Martin to his feet, before pulling Martin’s right arm between his legs…
MM: This crowd is going nuts for Buck Dresden… he’s setting Martin up… lifts him… but Martin floats over, and shoves Buck chest first into corner!
Buck drapes his arms over the top rope, but Martin drops to a knee with the force he threw Buck into the corner with. Martin shoots off his knee towards the corner…
MM: Running knee strike to the back by Robertson!
VA: No one else is moving, Malone.
MM: Martin is sensing that as well. He shoves Dresden chest first into the corner again… backs up… and another running knee strike! Buck stumbles out backwards… INVERTED DDT… RIGHT INTO THE PTO!
VA: PERFECT TAP OUT, MALONE! MARTIN’S GOING TO DO THIS!
MM: Robertson has that guillotine choke locked in TIGHT, Vince! Dresden is not going anywhere!
VA: He’s trying to fight it, though… DON’T FIGHT IT, BUCKY!
MM: I don’t think he wants you calling him Bucky, Vince.
VA: What’s he going to do, Malone? Except tap out, that is!
MM: Robertson, squeezing more and more… Buck… WHAT?!?
VA: YOU IDIOT!
MM: Jester Smiles, who rolled out of the ring… I don’t know if he’s trying to help his friend or just not let Martin win, but he’s pulling Buck under the bottom rope to the outside!
VA: And look at Martin… he’s none too happy!
MM: Of course not! Jester just cost him his chance at being World Heavyweight Champion! I mean, I’m a huge Buck Dresden fan, but I truly believe that if Jester didn’t pull him out, Martin had that PTO locked in!
VA: It’s a …
MM: Don’t say it…
VA: … travesty?
MM: Ok, that works.
VA: MARTIN, TURN AROUND!
MM: Martin… NOTHING… FLYING PURE HATE! OH, just as Martin turned around, NOTHING came FLYING in and finally nailed Robertson with a jumping version of Pure HATE!
MM: NOTHING covers…
MM: NO! Jester breaks up the pin! Jester, hurriedly, pulls NOTHING up… off the ropes goes Jester…. GOLDEN PUN…
VA: NO! NOTHING DUCKED!
MM: On the rebound… drop toe hold by NOTHING… up quickly….
VA: PURE HATE!
MM: NOTHING absolutely leveled Jester with Pure HATE just as he started to get up! He’s pulling him back to his knees again…. PURE HATE A SECOND TIME!
VA: OH MY GOD, YES!
NR: The winner of the match… and STILL… EWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION… THE PURVEYOR OF HATE… NOTHING!
MM: What an incredible match!
VA: The House of HATE continues to rule the EWA!
MM: So many near falls in this contest… so many opportunities where, one second longer, someone else was walking away with the gold. But somehow, someway, NOTHING was able to survive everything and retain his championship! What a war we’ve seen tonight between all four of these men!
VA: … and if you thought HATE was emboldened before tonight, with NOTHING still as the World Heavyweight Champion, they’re just getting stronger!
YOUR WINNER BY PINFALL, AND STILL EWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: NOTHING (23:49)
(NOTHING has taken the World Heavyweight Title up the ramp, slowly staggering as he turns around to hoist the title high above his head. Meanwhile, Buck has started to stir around the outside of the ring, heading over to the timekeeper’s area to retrieve the Combat Championship. Jester has rolled to the outside, and is leaning up against the barricade, just looking up towards the entrance ramp, exhausted. Martin is still in the ring, leaning up against the corner ropes, having just witnessed his chances for the World Heavyweight Championship go down in flames once again, as Alyssa stands just outside of him, head in her hands…)
MM: Folks, we hope you’ve enjoyed your evening here with us, Live from Toronto! For Vincent Ashe…
VA: … I can speak for myself, Malone…
MM: Fine, go ahead.
VA: Nah, you’re my puppet. Finish up.
(An audible sigh comes from Malone)
MM: For Vincent Ashe, Nikki Rogers, and everyone else that’s assisted with the production tonight, thank you for joining us, as Buck Dresden retains his Combat Championship, and NOTHING continues to lead the house of HATE as the reigning World Heavyweight Champion! Good night folks!
(Buck has cleared the ring, heading through the crowd with his Combat Championship. Jester has started to slowly regain his legs, walking along the edge of the entrance ramp as the last image shows NOTHING, standing at the top of the entrance ramp, holding the Championship high above his head, a wry smi…)
Martin Robertson: CUT THE DAMN MUSIC!
(The camera quickly cuts back up to the ring where Martin, sitting on the ring mat in the corner nearest to the timekeeper, now has a microphone in his hand, with Alyssa standing outside the ring still. Martin points up towards the top of the ramp at NOTHING…)
Martin Robertson: You… get your ass back down here and give me my title!
(NOTHING looks back at the failed challenger, a puzzling look on his face, questioning whether or not Martin is actually serious.)
Martin Robertson: Right… now!
(NOTHING shakes his head towards the second generation superstar, almost amused by the ramblings of the youngster…)
Martin Robertson: Damnit…
(Martin pulls himself up, with assistance of the ropes, getting to a vertical base before raggedly stumbling towards the ropes closest to the entrance ramp. He leans forward on the ropes, barely able to stand at this point…)
Martin Robertson: Get back here! YOU DIDN’T EVEN BEAT ME!
(NOTHING chuckles at Martin, waving a hand towards the Youth King, disregarding his requests before turning back around towards the curtain and disappearing to the back under the JumboTron…)
Martin Robertson: NO! No, no, no, no…. No no no! This… this is not right!
(Martin, regaining some functionality in his body, moves towards the center of the ring, wiping sweat from his forehead…)
Martin Robertson: I am sick… and tired… of being disrespected around here! From the EWA staff, to all the so-called superstars in the back…. Alyssa, get in here…
(Martin waves his arm, asking Alyssa to join him in the ring. She shakes her head no initially…)
Martin Robertson: Get in here, and tell all of these people how much a load of crap this entire company has treated me, ever since day one!
(Alyssa is still on the outside, begging Martin to not drag her into this. Martin pulls the microphone away, now asking her off-mic to join him in the ring. Still a little reluctant, Alyssa heads over to the steps and climbs into the ring, standing near Martin…)
Martin Robertson: All I’ve been saying, from day one, is that I deserve the opportunity to win MY World Heavyweight Championship! And from day one, whether it’s blind and crooked referees, or unfair situations that I’ve been put in… from day one, I’ve been made the butt end of the EWA’s jokes. And I don’t know if it’s Stacy Vandervort, or Cameron Black, or some other jealous piece of crap in the back, but they’ve made it a point to sabotage my career… my life!
(Chants now break out from the crowd…)
“YOU STILL SUCK!”
“YOU STILL SUCK!”
“YOU STILL SUCK!”
Martin Robertson: I do not suck! You all suck, for allowing this crap to continually happen, week in and week out! There’s no order here, and all I’m looking to do is restore order! But no, that can’t happen around here, can it? You’ve got HATE, still kidnapping people two years later… nothing done about that! You’ve got Buck Dresden out there, sucking up to you idiots any chance he gets, not allowing fans to make up their own damn minds about who they want to like… nothing done about that!
(Alyssa turns towards Martin, placing her hands on his forearm, imploring him to stop…)
Martin Robertson: No, no… I got this. Because it’s time I get all this off my chest, from getting screwed in the ring, from the production people who can’t even get my damn entrance right! From the crap that I have to get dressed in a broom closet each show… a broom closet! Can’t even give one of their top grossing money makers in the company a spot in the generic locker room, let alone the actual catered private locker room that’s in my contract! And I’m done! I’m done playing all of these stupid games becau…
(Suddenly, we can see Martin still talking, but the sound from the microphone has cut out. He finally recognizes this, tapping the top of the microphone before throwing it back down towards the timekeepers, stomping over to the corner nearest to them, demanding a new microphone. A poor, sacrificial EWA staffer walks over towards the ring and tentatively hands Robertson another microphone…)
Martin Robertson: SEE!?! SEE!?! This is exactly what i’m talking about! There’s no respect around here… no order. Who’s going to restore order? HATE? Buck Dresden? Sahara? All a goddamn joke! Maybe… maybe Joe Lemon can do it… maybe he’s the one behind this. He seems to be always full of jokes! Somebody has to restore order around here, and whether your like it or not, it’s going to be Martin Robertson! ME! Not anyone el…
(Once again, the microphone cuts out on Martin. This time, he doesn’t even bother checking it, just throwing it out into the crowd, that has been jeering him for the past three minutes of this rant. Martin looks at Alyssa, apparently questioning whether or not she’s behind all of the antics. Alyssa has her arms raised in the air, unaware of what’s gotten into Martin.)
(Suddenly, the crowd erupts as the lights in the arena go completely black. Lights quickly come up from cell phones in the arena, attempting to illuminate what’s happening. A few random flashes from ringside show Martin and Alyssa still standing in the ring, but don’t capture much else…)
(A few moments later, a heavy guitar riff starts blaring through the arena sound system, piercing the pitch black…)
DEATH BECOMES CLEARER
THROUGH BLOODSHOT EYES
AS A DEATH FROM OLD AGE
(The music picks up, and the crowd roars, but with no real rationale of why they’re roaring… until a series of red lights begin to slowly start to illuminate the arena’s entrance ramp, motioning back and forth across it.)
LEARN TO EVOLVE WITH THE NEW TRANSITION
TO ACT UPON A HYPOCRITICAL VISION
DISCARD THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW
DISCARD THE OLD AND IN WITH THE FASHION
(As whatever this song is continues to play, the lights in the arena come on, and EVERYONE has turned their attention towards the entrance ramp, where slowly emerging through the curtain is a shadowy figure. With no pace in their step, the figure makes its way towards the center of the entrance ramp whe, just as it stops, a bright spotlight shines down on them… and the crowd…. EXPLODES…)
(“The Mastermind” Alexander Haven!!)
(Focused straight ahead, staring towards the ring and its’ occupants, the former EWA World Heavyweight Champion and owner of the company stands there, expressionless, in an EWA arena for the first time since last year’s Live From Sydney. Dressed in a pair of blue jeans with a dark sports jacket and white t-shirt underneath, he stops at the edge of the stage for a few moments, looking out at the crowd that has quickly refilled the arena to its’ capacity.)
“AL-EX HA-VEN!” *clap, clap, clap clap clap*
“AL-EX HA-VEN!” *clap, clap, clap clap clap*
“AL-EX HA-VEN!” *clap, clap, clap clap clap*
(Inside the ring, Alyssa has her hands covering her mouth, in complete disbelief of what she is currently seeing. Martin, meanwhile, has turned around towards Alyssa, continually talking to her, trying to figure out what exactly is going on. Alyssa drops down to her knees, still in shock at the sight on top of the ramp.)
(Haven begins to make the walk down the ramp towards the ring as Martin slowly backs up towards the corner, picking Alyssa up and corralling her behind him, making sure he’s doing everything he can to protect her. Alex climbs up the ring steps, stopping at the top of the steps to look out towards the crowd once again before climbing into the ring. As Alex takes a few steps into the ring, Martin exits the corner, walking over towards Alex, hands extended outward, unsure of what Alex is doing in the ring, but already looking to beg and plead with him….
….But as the two reach each other, Alex immediately ducks down, picking up Robertson on his shoulders, and dropping him back towards the center of the ring with a Fall From Glory! The crowd continues to chant, presumably towards Robertson…)
“YOU FUCKED UP!”
“YOU FUCKED UP!”
“YOU FUCKED UP!”
(Martin lays sprawled out in the center of the ring as Haven stands up and, for the first time in over six months, Alex and Alyssa are looking face to face at each other. Alex looks down at this feet for a moment, where Martin has not moved, before looking back up towards Alyssa, who looks like she has just seen a ghost. Alex stares at her for a moment before smiling, blowing a kiss towards her as Alyssa has not moved from her spot in the corner. Alex gives a little wave towards Alyssa before turning back around, exiting the ring and returning up the ramp. Once Alex is more than halfway up the ramp, Alyssa finally moves, dropping down to a knee next to Martin, checking on the Youth King, who has still not moved. The song from earlier — “Spawn Again” by Silverchair — has started playing again in the arena as the last images we see are of an unconscious Youth King, ending with the image of Alexander Haven, continuing up the ramp and heading straight through the curtain without stopping…)
EWA Wrestling – a Division of EWA Entertainment
This event may not be rebroadcast without the expressed written consent of EWA Entertainment.
© 2018 Five Guys Operations
“Five Guys Burgers and Fries,” “Five Guys Enterprises” and “Five Guys” are registered trademarks of Five Guys Operations.
© 2018 Valhalla
“Valhalla” is a registered trademark of Jada Kaine.
© 2018 Rocket League
“Rocket League,” “Rocketball” and “Take The Shot” are registered trademarks of Psyonix.
© 2018 Schadenfreude.com
“Schadenfreude.com,” “Midget Albino Donkey Sex,” “Surprise Wedding Sucker Punch” and “Dieter” are registered trademarks of Schadenfreude.com & Azrael Goeren Enterprises.
Melissa McCoy vs Coca-Cola Rua – Rob B.
Rick Remington vs Candice Diamond – Gates
Kharrion vs The Erinyes – Gates
Philip Donovan vs Katsuro Yoshida vs Sterling – Eric M.
The Lemonheads vs William West & Gia Van Zant – William S.
Nikki Caldwell vs Sahara – Harlan H.
Josh Kaine vs Indrid Calder – Corey C.
Combat Championship Match – Brandon H.
World Heavyweight Championship Match – Chris F.