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BOSTON – In yet another surprising announcement from the EWA’s corporate headquarters, we’ve just learned from EWA Executive Assistant Stacy Vandervort where Battlelines 35 – the show following the first ever trip to Australia for EWA Live From Sydney – will be taking place.
As you’ll recall, in January, the EWA shocked the wrestling world by holding its signature event, Champions Summit II, at the fabled SHOOT Project Epicenter in Las Vegas. The EWA continues this tradition of honoring the past and prestige of former wrestling companies at Battlelines 35 on Thursday, October 12, when for the first time in over 14 years, a televised wrestling event eminates from the legendary NYSWF Arena in beautiful downtown Albany, New York.
Albany, of course, is the hometown of EWA Network Champion Maggie McIntyre, as well as the hometown of one of the #1 contenders for the EWA World Heavyweight Championship, NOTHING. As many wrestling historians know, NOTHING’s brother, Corey Collins, turned THE NYSWF from a regional promotion into a worldwide sensation before its demise in 2003.
Vandervort declined to answer any questions about how this deal came about, nor did she give any insight on the whereabouts of EWA CEO/owner Alexander Haven or COO Alyssa Marie Haven.
Could two of Albany’s natives be carrying the bulk of EWA gold heading into what’s sure to be a historic night at the NYSWF Arena? Find out in just 10 days at EWA Live From Sydney!
BOSTON – Today, EWA Chief Operating Officer Alyssa Marie Haven announced an exciting new initiative for the EWA’s tag team division, which has been criticized in the past for not having enough of a variety of teams competing within it.
Going forward, the EWA will now allow any trio of wrestlers who band together to compete for the EWA Tag Team Championship using any combination of the trio’s members. Most notably, this affects the trio of Josh Kaine, Mojave, and Nikki Caldwell, collectively known as “MoCaJo“. Ms. Haven specifically pointed out this trio as an example, stating that Nikki Caldwell would be essentially considered part of the EWA Tag Team Champions at this point, and subsequently be allowed to defend the championship in any EWA sanctioned title match, so long as her partner consists of either Mojave or Josh Kaine.
This ruling would seemingly also have a potential effect for The Vice Squad, one of the EWA’s all-time legendary tag teams. The team, widely regarded as the greatest tag team in EWA history, rebranded itself last year, forming under the guise of a trio of Lagrima (the former Jane Doe), Minxy Jones (Ainsley Lake), and Santa Muerte (Marisol Cortez). This ruling would now allow the Vice Squad, should they regain the Tag Team Championship once again at some point, to defend the belts as a trio as well.
One keen journalist, EWA reporter Allison Haines, questioned Alyssa Marie on whether or not this ruling was in response to a recent promo aired on Combat TV, where Josh Kaine essentially declared Nikki Caldwell one of the champions on his own. Alyssa, however, denied this flatly, stating that this idea “was 100% mine, with no outside input whatsoever”.
Further questions about the status of the EWA World Heavyweight Champion, Chris Kage, as well as the lack of word from former champion and EWA owner Alexander Haven since the events of Champions Summit III, were all ignored, with Alyssa refusing to provide any insight, and becoming visibly irritated with the line of questioning before ending the press briefing entirely.
Hey everyone, Allison Haines here with an exclusive report on the fallout from Champions Summit III. There’s an absolute plethora of news coming out of this historic event here in Los Angeles; so much, in fact, that I legitimately don’t know where to begin, and so for the sake of making this easier to manage, I’m just going to go down the roster as listed on the EWA’s website, and tell you what I’ve discovered. Expect a lot of injury reports, because…wow. This show was savage.
Alexander Haven, the owner and CEO of the EWA, lost the EWA World Heavyweight Championship to his former (?) best friend, Chris Kage. I can tell you that while Haven was banged up, and received stitches from Dr. Mark Furman backstage, Chris Kage was in much, much worse shape. Haven continued to help Kage backstage, and ended up taking him to an ambulance, where he was transported to a local hospital for evaulation. I can personally attest to the notion that Kage was unable to put any weight on his injured leg. Neither Kage nor Haven would comment as to why the new champion left the EWA World Heavyweight Title in the ring, nor was I able to get an update on Kage’s medical condition. I can tell you that Alyssa Marie Haven, COO of the company and, of course, Alex’s wife, had already left the arena by the time Haven and Kage had returned to the back. No word on that situation, either.
Azrael Goeren was, for lack of a better term, kidnapped after his brutal loss to the debuting Donovan King. King commandeered the stretcher Goeren was being taken out on after a brief scuffle with the newly debuted Jester Smiles, and King left the arena, presumably with Goeren, immediately afterward. EWA management has not heard from either man, and as such, neither are expected to compete at Battlelines 33 in Honolulu on August 4.
The status of HATE is currently unknown, after the Titan of HATE, Cal Rayner, was defeated by HATE‘s Masochist, William West. HATE is believed to be fractured from within, with West’s apparent abandonment of the Hive, along with Indrid Calder‘s absence (more on that in a moment). The Titan was seen backstage with NOTHING at Night #2 of Champions Summit III, but West was nowhere to be found.
Both Elizabeth Gaunt and Grace Goeren have been unreachable since Night #1 of Champions Summit III. Grace is believed to have been taken to a local hospital after her devastating “fall from grace” through a thumbtack-laden table from the top of a ladder, while Gaunt, who came just inches away from winning the Combat Championship, seems to have vanished. We’ll continue to check our sources for the whereabouts of the former Fallout members.
Indrid Calder, too, seems to have vanished without a trace, after his sickening, savage maneuver onto Maggie McIntyre. It’s believed EWA management was furious over Calder’s latest atrocity, as he’s now seriously injured both Michael Draven and Maggie McIntyre over the past three months. Maggie, incredibly, seems to have dodged a bullet, as our sources reveal that her jaw miraculously was not broken – however, it’s believed dental surgery is in the Banshee’s future. She’s expected to compete at Battlelines 33 in three weeks against the new EWA Network Champion Cronos Diamante, amazingly…but the bigger question is Indrid Calder’s whereabouts, and his cryptic, forceful message to the injured Draven immediately before his savage attack on the newly wed McIntyre.
New EWA Combat Champion Sahara escorted McIntyre to the hospital after her assault from the Stranger. Sahara was said to be on Cloud 9 in the hospital despite her concern for Maggie, and would beam with pride whenever recognized and congratulated on her victory.
Jester Smiles made a huge impact on the weekend’s events, first debuting by helping William West from a savage attack after his match with Cal Rayner. Jester would go on to cut a promo on Night #2 announcing his intention to “bring prestige to the EWA’s championships”, and would then attempt to dissuade Donovan King from kidnapping Azrael Goeren, albeit to no avail. Jester’s clearly looking to make an impact here in the EWA, and he’s off on the right track thus far.
The Vice Squad suffered a tough loss to MoJo, who retained their Tag Team Championship, but were in surprisingly good spirits backstage. Both Minxy Jones and Lagrima felt that they were a move or two away from becoming three-time Tag Team Champions, and plan to petition for a rematch in the near future.
Laura Seton and Ray Willmott reunited after their match on Night #1, getting a happy ending to their story…or so they thought. It was revealed the next night that Willmott is battling a severe shoulder injury, and is going under the knife on Monday morning. Willmott’s expected to be out of action for an undetermined period of time, and there’s been whispers of his career being in jeopardy. I certainly hope not, as Willmott’s one of the few “shining beacons of humanity” in this company.
The legendary Grady Smith has retired from the squared circle, after a tremendous war with his son, Martin Robertson. Sources say an outpouring of support was shown backstage after Night #1, with everyone from Jester Smiles to Alexander Haven to Mojave and Sinnocence congratulating the legendary former eleven-time champion on a tremendous career. Grady flew home to New York afterward, and the question now is – where does Martin Robertson, clearly still fuming over his loss to his father, go from here?
NOTHING has finally vanquished his personal demon, defeating Jacob Mephisto in two straight falls to put an end once and for all to Pariah and their feud. We’re told that after the match, Haven was waiting on Mephisto backstage, and promptly fired him on the spot for “failure to live up to contractual obligations”.
And finally, we’re being told that Sean Boden is severely, severely injured after his shocking Human Torch match with Ryan Cuddihy. While our sources were unable to obtain specific information regarding Mr. Boden’s injuries, when I inquired with a source close to the situation when Boden was expected to be able to return to the ring, I was met with a gale of laughter.
Thanks everyone, and we’ll see you in beautiful Honolulu for Battlelines 33! I can’t wait to relax on the beach, work on my tan, and hopefully avoid Terry Bull as much as possible.
FROM THE DESK OF THE INCOMPARABLE ALEXANDER HAVEN, EWA OWNER, CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER, AND HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD
We have heard your feedback, EWA fans. Many of you have asked what matches you can expect to occur at the EWA’s signature event, Champions Summit III, emanating from the Staples Center in beautiful Los Angeles, CA, on July 6-7. Specifically, many of you have inquired about the main event, and who I, Alexander Haven, The Incomparable, will be defending the prestigious EWA World Heavyweight Championship against.
I’m pleased to announce that on Wednesday, June 7, live from “The Pit” in Albuquerque, NM, I will provide the answer to that question. Join me in the ring on that night for the answers to your questions, along with a great show we have in store for you. I plan to make an example out of Grace Goeren in the main event that night, as well as bring you, the EWA fans, exclusive information on your main event for Champions Summit III, along with the announcement of other exciting matches we have lined up.
And no, Chris Kage will not be competing at Champions Summit III. So don’t ask.
EWA Chief Executive Officer
Reigning and Defending EWA Heavyweight Champion of the World
Allison Haines here with an important EWA news bulletin. Battlelines 29 saw a litany of devastating injuries to EWA roster members, and I’ve been able to get the scoop on some of those situations.
GRADY SMITH was hospitalized at Mass General after a vicious assault by Alexander Haven and Martin Robertson. Grady suffered a series of contusions on his face, as well as a broken rib, presumably from being put through a table. Grady was released Saturday morning, and is recovering at home in Cortland. I attempted to reach him at home, but his wife, Janelle Smith, advised me that “he’s not coming back anytime soon”. Take that however you choose.
MARTIN ROBERTSON also suffered an injury of his own, after landing awkwardly when his father planted him with the Chokebuster during the aforementioned assault. I’ve been informed that Martin suffered a hairline fracture of his right forearm, and will likely miss a few weeks of action while being in a cast. He is currently not on the card for Battlelines 30.
AZRAEL GOEREN was in no condition to perform at Battlelines 29, as you all saw. Unfortunately, we have no tangible information on the injuries he may have sustained during his brief “match” with Cronos Diamante, other than a brief comment I obtained from EWA legend Sinnocence, who simply stated, “he’s beat to shit.”
And finally, MICHAEL DRAVEN suffered a stomach-churning compound fracture of his tibia during Indrid Calder’s violent assault on him after their main event match. I was able to speak directly with Draven, who advised me that the doctors have stated the injury was, amazingly, not as severe as initially expected, due to a lack of muscle and tissue damage. Draven is expected to make a full recovery, but will be out of action for some time.
BOSTON – We’ve learned this morning that EWA wrestler Hank has been hospitalized after a savage beating in the streets of Boston by an unknown assailant.
Police have few leads at this time, as the beating left Hank unable to be interviewed by them. We have little information on Hank’s injuries, other than that he’s expected to be out of action for some time.
When reached for comment, EWA Chief Operating Officer Alyssa Marie Haven stated that Hank’s scheduled EWA Network Championship match against Elizabeth Gaunt this Friday in the Combat Zone “would go on as scheduled”. When asked what would happen if Hank were unable to make it to the event, she simply replied, “then he’ll lose.”
More as this story develops.
Another episode of the EWA’s brand new podcast, Blacklists & Blueballs, hosted by Greg Nicholson and Kristin Moore, is now available for your listening pleasure! Check out the link in the menu bar at the top of the site, under “Podcasts”!
BOSTON – EWA COO Alyssa Marie Haven was pleased to announced that a sponsorship agreement with EWA Entertainment and popular software company Lupotech was finalized on Tuesday, March 21st, 2017. Company President Rowan Bhatt founded Lupotech in 2009 and it is now one of the leading developers of corporate software in North America. Further details will be made available as they come.