The Rag Mag, Volume #12: The Warrior’s Trial

Just when you thought I was out, they drag me back in. Ok, now re-read that in a Cuban Al Pacino voice for full effect.

As you all know, the Warrior’s Trial is upon us, and being that I love expressing my opinions on all things EWA, well…talk about a golden opportunity to piss even more people off. Now, keep in mind that while I do have “leakers” backstage in the EWA, it seems the front office has been extra careful about this one, and I really have NO idea who is going to win this thing. So, in light of that, what I’m going to do here is talk about each wrestler involved and give a “Defcon Guess” as to what I personally believe their odds of winning are, and why.

For reference to what the hell a Defcon scale is, it’s partially reality and I partially made it up to apply here. It stands for Defense Condition and is a scale of nuclear war eminence, and if you’ve seen the movie WarGames — showing my age — then you’ll kind of come into this was some understanding. Only in the movie, they flipped the scale on accident, because there was no Internet to look up “facts” at the time. And because I got this information off of Wikipedia, I know there is no way it’s incorrect.

In short: Defcon 1 = High confidence — Defcon 5 = Low confidence.

If I assign a Defcon 1 score to you, I have high confidence you either can or will win this event. Feel free to get mad at me for assigning you low confidence scores, too…I don’t care.

So, let us begin…

The names are in the same order in which they’re listed on the card.

Grace Goeren. The reigning EWA World Champion.

Defcon 1.

Making the case for Grace. Grace Goeren is a bankable draw for the EWA. Everyone hates her, and everyone wants to see her lose. That’s why she has a HIGH probability of winning. The second a babyface chases down the heel and wins, it’s over. The crowd gets sent home happy, the ratings spike temporarily…and then what? The fans are collectively like a guy after sex. We’re just done. Back to the drawing board. Find a new nefarious way to get the title off that babyface and start the chase all over again.

Grace is consistent, creative, and surrounded by an army that’s actually loyal to her, so she will be hard to eliminate unless something in the Fallout system breaks down.

Alexander Haven. Co-CEO of the EWA.

Defcon 4.

Is Haven dangerous? Yes. Is Haven bankable? Yes. Is Haven a draw? Yes. Then why, Mr. Rag Mag, are you so confident he won’t win? Too many enemies. HATE, well, hates him. The Fallout, particularly Sahara, hates him. Michael Draven hates him. Basically like half the contestants in this match have a reason to eliminate him, and I simply cannot see him overcoming such odds.

Azrael Goeren.

Defcon 3.

How sweet would it be for Azrael Goeren, the father of Grace Goeren to usurp the crown? Amazing. So why do I think it won’t happen? Because he’s too laser focused on one person, and this is beyond titles for him. This is nothing but personal. He’s basically going to spend the entire time he’s in there trying to eliminate Sahara, Gaunt and Grace, which means he won’t be paying attention to anyone else. That doesn’t bode well for this kind of match, but in the end, he doesn’t care…

Chris Kage.

Defcon 3.

A former world champion that can easily recapture the title. So, why won’t he? Same issue a lot of others are having with this match. He’s too laser focused on a few different people. Kage will be so preoccupied with Indrid Calder and HATE after the numerous open threats made against Stacy Vandervort, I simply see no way he wins, mostly because his eye isn’t on the prize.


Defcon 4.

I’m not convinced Dredd cares about winning the world title, but there’s more too it than that. This type of match goes against the grain of a competitor like Dredd. Odd to say that, I know, but Dredd is a soldier, and while I can easily see this monster decimating the field, he’s TOO big of a target to last, if that makes any sense. For the most part, an event like this signifies everyone for themselves, certain faction based exceptions aside, however, when everyone sees a 7’3” 420 pound monster hit the ring…watch how quickly allegiances form among the smaller, more mortal members present. They’ll all be gunning to get rid of this beast to save their own asses before turning their attention back to each other.

Elizabeth Gaunt.

Defcon 5.

Elizabeth Gaunt is a seraph to Grace Goeren, the God Queen of the EWA. She won’t even try to win this match, much like her partner in crime, Sahara. Even if it did come down to Gaunt vs Grace, Gaunt would gladly eliminate herself to keep the gold on Grace. That’s just the way it is. I wouldn’t apply this logic to any other faction, either. The Fallout are special in this regard in that I actually believe both Gaunt and Sahara would lose for Grace.

Grady Smith.

Defcon 2.

Never underestimate old man winter. This match is created for the underdogs that fly below the radar. He’s the exact type that can actually win it because he’s not really the target of many. That’s what makes him so dangerous in a match of this sort. I think it depends on when he pulls his number, too, as his age will work against him if he happens to be an early entrant.


Defcon 3.

This is almost impossible to gauge as I haven’t seen him in the EWA for very long, his signing was just announced, and while we all know how dangerous is, that will likely make him a target for elimination. The last thing a person wants going into a match of this sort is a reputation or a mythology attached to them, and he has both. And in this case, both work against him. Can he do it? Sure. Do I think he will? No, and for the reasons stated. I think he’s drawn too much attention to himself.

The Heart Attack Kid

Defcon 5.

I’m not exactly sure if it’s personal or what, but something behind the scenes has HAK at odds with himself. He doesn’t seem to be the same person he once was when he carried the EWA Network title. Have you ever heard the phrase, “lost my smile”, well…I think HAK has, and until he finds it, I just don’t see him as a threat.

Indrid Calder

Defcon 1.

Indrid Calder is the exact type that can pull this off. Brutal. Visceral. And comes with a bit of built in protection in the form of HATE. Calder is capable of standing up against anyone in the EWA, which he’s repeatedly shown, but the question is, how much does he actually want it? If Calder let’s his “projects” distract him while he’s involved in this, it could lead to a fatal mistake that gets him eliminated. That said, a Calder victory would not surprise me.

Issac Entragian

Defcon 4.

Issac Entragian doesn’t care about titles. He cares about dishing out his horrific brand of pain. He will likely be so preoccupied with trying to make the angels weep that he won’t be paying attention to much else…not to mention he will suffer from the same issues as Dredd. He’s so big and noticeable — and scary — that people will focus target him for elimination just to level the playing field.

I expect Entragian to pick up his war with the Fallout girls right where it left off…he wants to taste the blood of angels, and there is a high probability he will again.

Jacob Mephisto

Defcon 2.

Mephisto is cold and calculating, and this is the exact kind of match an opportunist like him thrives in. A lot of question marks surround Mephisto, and for good reason, it’s his way of keeping us guessing…so who knows what he has in mind for this match. Underestimating him would be the worst mistake anyone could make. Again, the lone-wolf type is the exact sort that tends to win this style of match…the less people you have gunning for you, the better your odds of survival.

Jaime Alejandro

Defcon 3.

Alejandro has a lot on his mind, from his personal life starting to reinvade the wrestling scene, and the close knit relationships he has with others involved in this match to opening a new bar. Alejandro seems to have become more of a teacher than a student these days, so I’m not quite sure how badly Obi-Wan wants this for himself. I’m betting he would sooner see Tanya or Napalm win this thing.

That being said, I’ve been around long enough to know that if anyone can pull it off, it’s him. He knows how big of an opportunity this is, but once you’ve achieved all he has, it’s hard to care as much.

Joe Lemon

Defcon 5.

If Joe Lemon wins this thing, I’ll die. I’ll just … die. In no universe do I see this happening. And that’s not because poor Lemonhead can’t do it…no. I just can’t be nice. He can’t do it. He’s that guy we all love, but c’mon people…he’s like the Indiana of wrestlers. He’s there…everyone sees him, but they’re all really thinking, “But Chicago”.

Johan Dietrich

Defcon 4.

Again, I’m not sure how badly he wants it. I haven’t seen or heard much from him as it pertains to this opportunity, so it’d be hard to convince me he’s really going to try. Which is a shame, too, because when he’s on his game…damn he’s good. There is just so much noise at the top of the EWA card right now that a lot of voices are getting drowned out, but it’s on them to make sure that doesn’t happen.

Start speaking up, Dietrich…when you talk we listen.

Johnny Napalm

Defcon 4.

Napalm is like a huge question mark for me. I know how good he is, and how good he can be, and since uniting with Jaime Alejandro he seems rejuvenated. But not in a singles mindset. And this match requires a singles mindset.

Is a Napalm victory impossible? No. Not at all. If it happened I’d likely say, “Wow!”, but it’s longshot odds, simply because he hasn’t gone into business for himself in regard to this match…and this match of all matches REQUIRES you to go into business for yourself, even if temporarily.

KC Rockefeller

Defcon 4.

I apply almost the exact same logic to Rockefeller that I apply with Dietrich and Napalm. He has a voice, but he has to start using it. For himself. Especially in regard to this sort of match. I know all these tag-teams are united and it feels so good, but you HAVE to break off and worry about yourself, not the team. I’m just not convinced he wants to do that.

Lunatikk Crippler

Defcon 2.

I wasn’t sure if I should assign this a Defcon 2 or a 3. I leaned 2 just because I know how damn dangerous he can be…but the question is, what are his goals with HATE? Unless I missed something, I don’t think I’ve heard from him yet in regard to this event. I could be mistaken about that, and if so I apologize, but I don’t think I am. When an event like this rolls around, the more I hear from a person the more I tend to believe they care…

I’m just not convinced he cares…like, literally. I’m not sure. Which is why I’m giving him a 2 anyway. Because if he decides to care, watch out…but he may very well be focusing on HATEs business right now, and if that’s the case, he would likely increase others in that factions chances of winning more than his own.

Maggie McIntyre

Defcon 1.

Confidence is high. I repeat. Confidence is high. Strike while the iron is hot, I say. Maggie McIntyre was just voted #1 on the hot seat coming into this event…she’s popular with the people, and small enough to fly under the radar while others zero in on monsters like Entragian and Dredd. Not to mention other factions like The Fallout, who have to get dethroned before anyone else can take the crown of power.

Maggie can do it, easily…well, not easily, as nothing is easy in this business, but she can do it. The burning question is, how focused can she remain throughout the match? She’s getting pulled from many different directions right now. HATE. Haven. Draven. Sahara. That’s a lot to take considering most of them are involved in this match.

Martin Robertson

Defcon 3.

Every member of the Youth is a factor in this match and Robertson is no exception. That being said, he’s just been too silent for me to factor into anything more than a middling rating for this match. Can he win? Yes. Do I think he will? No. A lot of this pertains to the Youth’s attention to HATE. Almost nobody in either of those factions is actually focused on this match and what’s at stake…they’re STILL focused on each other.


Defcon 3.

The newcomer to the EWA that Stacy Vandervort brought in largely because Sahara is an annoying bitch. Not to take anything away from Mojave here, he has the pedigree to do big things in the EWA, and he was originally brought in because Stacy scouted him on the indy scene…Sahara simply all but guaranteed he’d get signed when she told Stacy not to sign him. Only she did it as only Sahara could do…by calling her a bitch and throwing a temper tantrum and what have you.

Mojave is all about business, he has the wrestling skill to knock your socks off, and he’s already progressing in the promo department. It’ll be interesting to see how or if him and his sister interact during this match. I don’t see it happening because he’s at an unfair advantage of already having had a match earlier in the night, which never bodes well for an event such as this.


Defcon 3.

In short, too focused on Kage to win. It’s really hard to say that so many people don’t care about this match, because I’m sure everyone involved cares. But most of these guys and girls hate each other SO much that they’re taking their eyes of the prize. This is more HATE vs Youth rivalry, and because of that it’s just hard to tell if any of them can last long enough to claim the prize.

Ray Willmott

Defcon 1.

Ray Willmott is the exact type of competitor that can and likely will win this thing. He’s one of the very few people in the federation focused on the brass ring. He’s pissed, too…which adds a bit of an extra edge to him. For quite some time leading up to this even he’s been in a full on blood feud with The Fallout, and somehow they keep squeaking past him in one way or another. Whether that’s in some sort of 3-way or “food poisoning”, he just keeps coming up inches short…and the fans are just salivating at the though the one true hero left in the EWA can come out on top.


Defcon 5.

For the same reasons cited with Elizabeth Gaunt, Sahara has no intentions of even trying to win this match. She will likely do anything in her power to make sure Grace retains because if the Fallout somehow lose this match — and with the the title — with the fragile egos involved in that crew, it’s likely to shatter the very foundation the group was built upon. It would leave Sahara as the lone title holder in the group, which would likely cause friction among the girls that are used to revering Grace. Also, come on people…Sahara’s current state of mine isn’t all that sound.

Sean Boden

Defcon 1.

Sean Boden, along with Ray Willmott, are the top two likely winners of this event. They’re on fire, ready to take the next step, and quite capable of doing so. Boden does have a couple of issues that Willmott does not have, however, such as McIntyre and to that effect, Sahara. Both will likely gun for Boden at some point, and that could spell trouble for him.

Tanya Black

Defcon 3.

Another returning former star to the ranks of the EWA, Tanya Black makes her debut at Battlelines 21. Well, her re-debut. Now, do I think Tanya Black can win? Sure. Will she? I doubt it…and I cite the same reason I gave Mojave. The kid is going to try to make a name for himself tonight, and Tanya likely has some ring rust on her, especially at this level, so the odds are stacked against her being she’s in another match earlier on the card.

I’ve seen Tanya pull off some enormous upsets throughout her career, so, as they say in wrestling, never say never, but it’d be an uphill battle for the Sex and Violence star.