The Rag Mag, Volume #10: The Fallout

The Girls of the Fallout.

Here is a bit of Fallout trivia from the depths of EWA creative left on the cutting room floor. Hey, this is a dirt sheet, right? While I’m positive EWA management won’t be happy with this bit of info leaking, I just happen to know that the group wasn’t originally put on paper to be all girls.


I know, right?

Let’s try something. Close your eyes and think about The Fallout and try to picture them any other way. I simply can’t imagine them being anything other than what they are right now. It’s like when you realize Michael J. Fox wasn’t originally cast as Marty McFly in Back to the Future. It was Eric Stoltz. Yes, THAT Eric Stoltz. Now, try to picture Eric Stoltz as Marty McFly…you can’t. Actually, it’s not that you can’t, you just don’t want too. Here, I’ll even show you comparisons of the lost footage:


It’s just NOT right, and it has nothing to do with acting prowess. Eric Stoltz is a great actor…he’s just not Marty McFly.

And that’s why THIS — what we have right now — is The Fallout.

They’re like that annoying group of cool kids we all hated in highschool…yet for some reason, we all wanted to be a part of them. Of course, we’d never admit it at the time, and some of us won’t admit it now, but c’mon, you know it. When we look back at life and think of the things we never got to experience because we were too busy focusing on playing by the rules and being good little boys and girls, we feel that tinge of regret.

They were young and having fun while we claimed to be “studying” so we could live a fruitful life (yeah, I took the fruitful life bit from Ferris Bueller) but in reality, most of us were just wasting our time in other ways, such as playing video games or hanging posters of Dragonlance novels on our bedroom walls. Of course, we justified our time wasters as “worthwhile” as opposed to theirs which were partying and having sex.

Hmmm, sex with cool girls or Nintendo (also known as NO-FRIEND-O).

If you said NoFriendO, you’re a fucking liar.

That’s why when we see these formerly cool kids pop up on Facebook, it’s oddly satisfying when they turn out to be losers or not-so-pretty-anymore. C’mon, admit it…there is something great about seeing how sad their lives turned out. And yes, I realize how petty and mean that sounds, but it’s how I feel.

That’s the jealousy kicking in…we’re happy they failed later in life because we recognize that we missed out on a lot of fun before adult responsibilities crept into our lives. And yeah, some of us have found success and are having fun now…such as myself, but when I look back at it, I regret not experiencing some of that “cool kid fun” before I had any real responsibilities.

Let’s be honest, if we could do it all over again and these girls said come hang out with us…would we tell them no?

I don’t know, maybe some of us would take a pass, but I wouldn’t…just to see what it was like to be perceived as cool, if even for a short while.

That’s why when I see The Fallout in the ring, it’s like living it all over again. They’re bullies, they’re mean, they’re hot, and god damn I wanna be invited to the party. And that’s what wrestling is…a way to live vicariously through others. That’s these girls! And they’re telling the world to go fuck itself. They’re basically doing what we all wish we could do…stop caring about everything in life that brings us anxiety, stress, worry, and all the other problems that preoccupy our minds on a daily basis. They do whatever the hell they want, and dammit, I wish I could, too.

Like when I was told, “write up something on The Fallout”, I wanted to say, “Why don’t you write something on the Fallout? I’m busy trying to line up interviews”, but what I actually said was, “Okay.”

The crowd may boo them, but trust me, there is a silent contingency of fans that absolutely adore these girls, flaws and all, and I’m one of them.

And it’s not that they’re three cool kids in their own right…they’re not. It’s that each of their shortcomings is covered up by one of the others that just happens to have an overabundance of that specific trait, and combined, they MAKE each other “cool”.

You got the hip, young, confident kid in Grace Goeren. And she is all that and a bag of chips, whether you admit it or not. Her over-the-top confidence and success at such a young age is awe-inspiring to those of us who wish we could pull it off, especially considering the things she’s overcome to get here. Is she kind of an asshole? Sure…but if we really thought about it, we would be, too if we went through half the shit she did.

Then you got the pretty-pretty princess in Sahara. The eldest of the crew and the girl every other human being looks at and just knows she’s beautiful on a different level. She lived her life in a quiet, mostly conservative manner before letting go and joining The Fallout. She’s the girl everyone just assumes is brimming with confidence only the reality is, she fakes it and like so many of us, wonders if she’ll ever be good enough? Sahara actually represents US in this story, only prettier. Much prettier. Think about it, she’s the one of us that got to travel back in time and join that cool kids crew and “let go”…a chance to do it all over again.

Then you got Elizabeth Gaunt. The edgy kind of “I do what I want and don’t give a shit what you think about me” type that actually doesn’t give a shit what you or anyone else thinks. She brings the attitude and unpredictability to the group and strikes fear into their enemies. She’s a convict, you realize. You don’t wanna mess with her, I know I don’t. But even her insecurities are hidden beneath all that dark makeup and punk-like style. She grew up feeling left-out because of the way she looks or acts, and in the past lashed out to cover it…only now she’s not left out, she’s part of the cool kids crew whether she realizes that or not.

The point is, they each lack something, be it confidence, looks society approves of, a stable foundation, etc…and it’s made up for by the others that do have it.

Combined, they’re the coolest most confident group in the EWA, and without a doubt the greatest all girl faction EVER…but if you were to somehow separate them? Well…I just gave you the blueprint on how to stop them.

And that’s not a slight against the other factions in the EWA, either. But there is no other group as cohesive as these three (or four, if you add in Duane Gates). I don’t think a single match or segment has occurred where they haven’t helped each other, or at least tried to help. You see, the other factions in the EWA don’t have the separation anxiety issues The Fallout girls most definitely have. And therein lies the rub. In that weakness lies their strength. They’re so afraid to be apart from one another, they’re almost ALWAYS together.

Again, not a slight on them, but if you separate Dredd or Calder from HATE, or Kage from The Youth, they’re still scary-as-fuck competitors…whereas if you separate one of the Fallout girls, I’m not saying they’re useless by any means, but their weaknesses begin to shine.

I ADORE these girls.

Now…is there any way to pay off EWA creative and somehow trade Maggie to the Fallout? Holy fucking shit would she be awesome with them. Oh well, a guy can dream, right? At least they gave us a glimpse into that dream when Maggie and Sahara met on the last show…please, please, please don’t let that be the only time they’re together. PLEASE.

To paraphrase Goodfellas, “It was a glorious time…and factions were EVERYWHERE.”

It truly is an amazing time to be a fan of the EWA.

Now, EWA management — give me some damn interviewees!